Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Who Am I? (prelude)

So, last week I wrote nearly 10,000 words of blog posts. One post explaining why I hadn’t posted at all in September, and then three posts reconstructed from memory following a hard drive crash.

The three reconstructed posts differed considerably from their original versions. Especially the “Joining FetLife.com” post. The published version of the FetLife post is far superior to the version that died in the crash. I remember not being all that satisfied with the thing that first time around, but kind of just shrugging my shoulders and proclaiming it finished anyway. I don’t think it was longer (word count-wise), but it covered more than just the sign up. I talked about me wandering around the site, looking at what some of the groups had to offer, and seeing if there were any potentially compatible perverts living close to me. Stuff like that.

The version of the FetLife post that actually made it all the way to the internet, however, I was much happier with. I felt that it had a much tighter theme, that being “Who am I, sexually?” All of which basically growing out of a mention that I liked the concept of filling out a questionnaire who’s purpose was allowing your to provide yourself with an answer to the question “Who am I?”

After posting the FetLife piece (along with the two other posts), I started thinking about it. And it seemed to me that so far, all the personal information in the blog has been either medical problems I have, or the kinks and fetishes that I have. And aside from that, there’s nothing in here to indicate who I am.

One of the big fantasies right now is for some nubile young wench to contact me and say, “Gee, Zeitgeist, I absolutely love the way you write, I share some of your interests, and I live close to you! I’d love it if we could get together, strip naked, and have lots and lots of kinky sex! And maybe even strike up a relationship, too!” (This isn’t exactly how CJ and I met, way back when during my zine days – but it’s close.) How is this nubile young wench going to know that she shares any of my interests if I don’t talk about any of them? I mean, I know that this is a sex blog, but I’d like it if my readers knew a little more about me than that I’ve never had sex (and apparently, bitch about that fact a lot).

So I’ve decided that it’s time to start talking a little bit about who I am.

I reread all of my previous posts, to see how much (non-medical and non-sexual) information about myself could be found. If I didn’t know anything about me, and went through my blog with a notebook on my lap, searching for clues, this is what I’d come up with . . .

I’m either 37 or 38. I have at least two siblings, a sister (who is engaged to be married) and a brother. I also have a friend who I’m calling Zorch (for purposes of anonymity) in the blog.

I live in Oregon. Probably not in, but at least near Salem.

I was raised Catholic. I was an altar boy, and contemplated becoming a priest. I also had a paper route as a youth.

In addition to being allergic to animal hair, I also just don’t like dogs. This dislike is apparently reciprocated.

I didn’t finish my senior year of high school.

I want to write erotic fiction. I have problems with writer’s block. In the past, I’ve written script pages for a comic book that was never produced. I used to write and produce zines.

I’m a fan of Babylon 5, Monty Python, and Sports Night. I’ve seen Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I’ve made references to Monk, and to the movie “As Good As It Gets”, but it’s unclear as to whether or not I’ve actually seen them. I’ve referenced Max Headroom. And I’ve used the word ‘shiny’ as if it were the word ‘cool’, which might be an indication that I’m a fan of Firefly and the movie “Serenity”.

I collect action figures (Star Wars and Marvel Legends, possibly others). I read (or are at least familiar with) both Marvel and DC superhero comics.

I don’t have cable or internet access, but used to have both. I currently get my internet fix from either a local library, or from my sister’s apartment. I have a NetFlix account. I have a digital camera (a birthday present from my brother, sister, and a couple of friends). I dislike the telephone, and can’t stand a ringing phone. Ringing phones have to be answered.

I eat meaty breakfast burritos and seasoned curly fries from Jack-in-the-Box, and I drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Okay. That’s actually more information than I thought there’d be. Still not enough, mind you, but more than I was expecting.

Some of it is kind of nebulous, though. I’m 37 or 38? I have at least two siblings? I might be a Firefly fan? Let’s clear some of that up, shall we . . .

I’m 37 years old. (December birthday). I have exactly two siblings, and my brother and sister are twins. Sister is engaged, brother is married. His one-year anniversary was earlier this month. (I was an usher at his wedding, which meant that a little over a year ago I got to discover exactly how fat a tuxedo you could get at the Men’s Wearhouse.)

I live in a small town about 15 – 20 miles from Salem. Both of my siblings live in Salem.

I have lost track of how many times I’ve been bitten by dogs. The first one (which I don’t remember) happening when I was four years old. I don’t like dogs because they seem to think of me as one of their natural enemies.

It was my senior year of high school when the CFIDS started. When I got pink eye, they told me to stay home. The pink eye lasted awhile, during while time I was expelled “for excessive absence”.

I know that it seems like all I really want is to lose my virginity (and then to make up for lost time from that point on), but the actual point of my existence is to write. Mainly novels. I’ve got a stack of unwritten novels in my head you could climb to Heaven on. And I’ve been having problems with writer’s block keeping me from putting any fiction down on the page since 1997. (More on that in a forthcoming post.)

Babylon 5? Absolutely stunning piece of work. One of my favorite series. Monty Python? Changed the face of sketch comedy. Sports Night? Heh. Sports Night was my introduction to Aaron Sorkin, and Aaron Sorkin is one of the modern gods of television. Sports Night, The West Wing (seasons one through four, anyway), and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip are just incredible pieces of work, and sometimes make me cry that I can’t write that well. I watched the first several years of Monk, and then lost my cable. I keep meaning to pick the rest of it up on NetFlix, but just haven’t gotten there yet. I have seen “As Good As It Gets”, but it took me three tries to get through it all. That movie hurt to watch. Nicholson’s OCD was too much for me to take in one sitting. The acting was brilliant, and I sympathized with the character to the point that it kept making me sick to my stomach. The fact that there were only 14 episodes of Max Headroom is a crime against entertainment. And yeah, I picked up ‘shiny’ from Firefly. Joss Whedon is another one of the modern television gods. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, the first and last seasons of Angel . . . pure gold.

I read lots of comics. I do read a fair amount of superhero comics, but I also read a lot of the other stuff, too.

I rarely drink. Partly because I don’t like the taste of most alcohol (and simply can’t stand beer), and partly because I’m on eight different medications and have seizures – getting drunk isn’t really that good of an idea for me. Actually, I can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of times in my life I’ve been actually drunk. But on the occasions that I do drink, it’s either vodka (usually in the form of the classic screwdriver), or Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

(Wow. I’m at almost 1500 words. I kind of want to take a nap now.)

Okay, I think that what I’m going to do is throw in a “Who Am I?” post every now and then. Talking about what kind of music I listen to. What kind of books I read. What kind of movies and TV I watch. What kind of food and beverages I consume. Hobbies I have, things I collect, and so on and so forth. Plus, all sorts of miscellaneous factoids and whatnots. Let all of you fine blog readers get to know me.

Heck, I’ll answer questions about myself, too, if you’ve got any. Anything you want to know? Leave a comment. I’ll gather them up and answer them in the next “Who Am I?” post, heading your way soon. (Probably in early November.)


camelia said...

Dear Mr Clown:

Love reading every single one of your words. I was left with curiosity about the sexual fantasies scenarios you've shared with the couple. OK... I have curiosity about all of your sexual fantasies scenarios.

And I was also left with curiosity about the kind words and phrases you exchanged with that girl with whom you used to email humiliating contents.

I think that your description about your general situation reminds me to a friend of mine.

On another hand, I think that you should (as a must) put some energy in your wonderful writing.

If you get a chance to meet a woman PLEASE don't talk about your little penis, your illness, your fatness, your lack of transportation issues, your virginity, your lack of sense of smell, your bad breath, your allergy to soap and deodorant, your lack of hygiene, you living with your mother, your lack of a job... It looks like you are trying very hard NOT TO get anybody to like you. Maybe because you are scared of the idea of the possibility of really having sex.

Make yourself a favor and try to give a nice impression. Tell her that you are a person with a special sense of reality... Everybody's got problems just don't talk to her about yours if your planes are to get laid.

Please don't misunderstand me: I LOVE reading your problems and everything that crosses your mind but I realize women are not like me. If you want to get laid don't open yourself up. Try to be mysterious and maybe you'll catch more attention.

Because people in general don't give a dam about other people's problems... they aren't even interested in facing their own little, sad, bored and lonely realities... They aren't interested in getting to know themselves better...What makes you think anyone might be interested in anyone else's feelings or problems?

They just want to spend their lives believing that they are doing what they want when they are actually being lead like a herd.

Life is a bitch... yea...
People are shit... yea...
No news, welcome to Earth

The good things that you have, are shinning through. I'm eager to keep on reading about you and all your things. I hope my words don't hurt you because I care about you and thats why I went all through the trouble of trying to express myself in English so that you would understand me. Please forgive my rusty English language.

Big kiss,


Zeitgeist the Clown said...

No offense taken. I know what I sound like. I'm working on it.

(It's too bad that you're in Argentina instead of here. I'd proposition you.)

Actually, I'm trying to get all of my bitching and moaning out of the way early, so that I can move onto talking about sex in the blog without all of the "oh woe is me" that seems to have been the case thus far. We'll see how that works.

And just for the record . . . I know people who are harder to understand than you, and English is their ONLY language. You're doing just fine.

Keep reading. I'll keep writing.