Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Milestones (And Other Obsessive-Compulsive Uses For Numbers)

I started this blog in the middle of August, 2008. It’s now the end of January, 2009. August, September, October, November, December, January . . . that’s six and a half months . . . time for an anniversary celebration!

What? Six and a half months isn’t an traditional anniversary interval? Oh. Hmm. Okay . . .

I started this blog on August 12th, 2008. Today is January 28th, 2009. Which makes the blog 170 days old today! Time for an anniversary celebration! Woo-hoo! Yay!

What? (Sigh.) 170 days isn’t an anniversary interval, either? Fine. (Man, you fuckers are picky.)

One hundred forty one thousand, three hundred and twenty five words. As of the previous entry, I’ve blogged 141,325 words. Time for a— still no?

Okay, how about this: After having already written and posted forty-nine of my long and sometimes rambling text-a-thons here in the blog, today’s installment of Time Delay is post #50. Now is it time for an anniversary celebration? Is it? It is? Really? (Wow!)

Time For An Anniversary Celebration!

Welcome to post #50 of Time Delay. And a big ‘Happy Anniversary’ to me.

Yeah, we’re going to take a one-post break from the usual stuff about sex, my lack of having (or ever having had) any sex, BDSM, my efforts to squeeze into the local BDSM community, and my attempts to gain some kind of sex life for myself. Today’s blog post is about the blog.

I shall now bang two saucepans together – bottom to bottom – while parading back and forth across the room proclaiming “I am so great! I am so great!” (Okay, maybe not.)

Fives, Tens, and Twelves

Anniversaries, special editions, double-sized collector’s issues . . . my initial frame of reference for this sort of thing growing up was comic books. (My initial frame of reference for a LOT of stuff growing up was comic books.)

If you were waiting for a major storyline pay-off, or a knock-your-sock-off event, or even just a double sized (and sometimes double-plus priced) issue, you were looking for 25, 50, 75, or 100. Once you hit issue 100, then it usually went by fifties. 150, 200, 250, 300, etc. Usually. You could still get away with it at 175 or 225 or the like, but not nearly as frequently.

The other time you could do it was as an actual anniversary issue. Issue #12 capped off the first full year of comics, so it became seen as an anniversary issue (rather than 13, which as the first new issue following a full years worth seems like it would be the actual anniversary). 12, 24, 36, and so on.

Back in the mid-eighties, I always thought that it would be cool and exciting to have a comic book series run a double-sized two-part series that spanned the second anniversary and the first big non-year based anniversary number. Given that 24 and 25 sit right next to each other, it seemed like such an obvious thing to do. But then I figured out that asking the consumer to fork over the cost of that increased cover price two months in a row was probably a no-no, and the reason why I’d never seen it done.

But Time Delay isn’t a comic book. (And for more reasons than just because I can’t draw.) Even so, I’ve noticed that humanity likes its tens. Nice round numbers. Probably because we’re mathematically a base-ten society. That’s what developing a numerical system based on counting on your fingers gets you, I suppose.

One hundred is the tennest of the tens, itself being ten tens. I don’t know why we seem geared to appreciate 25 and 75 as we do, but if I was asked to hazard a guess (or more accurately, just sit here and make shit up as it occurred to me), I’d say that it came from breaking the hundred into more easily manageable parts. Say, into half. Then into half again. Let’s just quarter the sucker. (We also like our one-fourths.)

Of course, it may also be a carry-over from wedding anniversaries, where not everybody actually makes it to their 100th. Get married in your 20s, celebrate your BIG anniversary in your 120s . . . yeah. Problematic. So, 50 becomes the traditionally BIG anniversary, with 25 being it’s halfway point. Silver and gold.

(Huh. I mentioned that Time Delay wasn’t a comic book as a segue to another topic, then was almost immediately sidetracked into talking about something else. Ooh, a butterfly!)

Time Delay. Anniversary post.

If the “Sue, Rabbit, Penny, Dot, and CJ” series hadn’t grown from it’s originally intended done-in-one post to a series that ended up being a ridiculous SIX installments long, I’d’ve probably done something like this for my 25th post. But when post #25 turned out to be “Penny” (part three in a six part series), well . . . that kinda shot any potential anniversary plan commemorating the first 25 posts all to Hell.

[Meaning my initial plans for an anniversary post were, well . . . time delayed . . . for another 25 posts.]

Significance in Numbers

On December 20th, I posted a piece entitled “Yes, Brodie, There Is An Orange Rock Dork”. It was a special Saturday post. The reason for that was because I already had a post scheduled for Sunday, and Friday’s post had been #36. The title was a reference to not only the classic headline “Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus”, but also a line from the Kevin Smith movie “Mallrats”.

One of the recurring in-jokes in Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse movies (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and Clerks II) is the number 37. Once I realized that the 37th post would hit in December, I decided it was time to finally write the little article on the Thing’s penis that I’ve been contemplating for what seems like eons now.

I’d had the unwritten piece in my head, and it had always had that title. The conjunction of post #37 and pre-Christmas was just too much for my obsessive-compulsive brain to let go of the opportunity.

My brain is by no means a slave to this sort of numerology in and of itself . . . but it insists that when it sees something that so perfectly fits together with an upcoming post number, I should really do that something and post it in that slot. (Lousy brain.)

In “December 23rd – Happy Birthday to Me” I talk about turning 38 years old (and thus, beginning year 39 of my life). This was post #39. And as weird as this may sound, that was completely unplanned. (Either that, or it was a decision made subconsciously, my brain not even bothering to consult me that time.) Truth be told, I didn’t even notice that happy coincidence until I was looking over my list of posts in preparation to write this one.

I wasn’t paying attention to this stuff because I was scrambling to get extra posts written in December to carry us through the library (my source of internet access) being closed for two weeks. Which was pointless, given that the big-assed snowstorm shut the library down early so that I couldn’t post the stuff I’d been stockpiling anyway.

But if I would have been paying closer attention to these things and realized that post #39 was where and when it was, I’d have done things a little differently. In that post I mentioned that I’d be doing an Uberlist for this (personal biological) year, but that I’d wait for a future post to give full details on it. That future post (“39 Things to Do in Year 39”) was #43. And I’m now (metaphorically) kicking myself for not having the post about 39 things to do in year 39 actually BE post #39.

So, are there posts tied to significant numbers on the schedule for the near future?

Will post #69 be about simultaneous dual oral sex? Hmm . . . doubtful. (I think I’d need to experience some, first.) But if I did currently have lots of stuff to say about sixty-nining, that probably IS when I’d take the time to say it.

Is post #66 scheduled to be about the devil? Not currently, no. (Although now that I think about it . . . hot little devil girl, with cloven hoof boots and prosthetic horns . . . yeah, still no.)

Should post #57 be all about the sensual joy of licking a popular name-brand steak sauce off of a woman’s nipples? Uh . . . no. (Unless it meant getting an endorsement check from the Heinz company, in which case, let’s see how fast I can whore myself!)

See, if you LOOK for reasons to write posts for significant numbers, if can get real goofy real fast.

Noisemakers, Party Hats, and Cake

But enough about significant numbers, traditional anniversary intervals, and why I’ve declared today’s post an anniversary post. The fact is, I HAVE declared it an anniversary post, so let’s celebrate!




(Are you drunk yet? You maybe wanna fool around?)

Seriously, though . . . when I first started doing this thing, I didn’t give any thought to things like my fiftieth post. If I had, I would have thought it would take forever. I mean, at first, I was doing good if I could post once a week. Then I skipped September in it’s entirety. (Whoops.)

Now I’m posting three times a week, with an extra thrown in here and there. (Not counting the occasional time delay for combination snowstorms and Christmas vacation library closures.) I’m progressing at a fairly decent speed despite being dependent on finding time between ‘bad health day’ flare-ups to get stuff written and having to use library internet access for posting.

Right now, it’s actually Sunday (January 25th) as I’m writing this. I’m trying to get this week’s posts all written early so that I can get to work on next week’s. (The blog posts for next week will comprise a series, and I want the entirety of it written, proofread, and polished before I post the first installment.) Given the fact that there’s so much writing to be done right now, I won’t be able to take the time to stop and celebrate once this post is complete. Instead, I have to move on to the next post. And the one after that. And then start consolidating my notes on next week’s posts.

I will, however, take a little time when this post goes up on the blog. I’ll celebrate my 50th post when you (the fine upstanding members of the internet) are able to read it.

There will definitely be some celebratory masturbation that day. I’ll read a little erotica, watch some porn, or maybe just imagine my legions of female readers sitting naked in front of their computer screens, reading this post with their fingers busily working that spot between their legs – so aroused by my writing that it doesn’t even have to be of a sexual nature for them to masturbate to it. (Too far?)

It’s possible that there will be some Ben & Jerry’s ice cream as well. (Nowhere on the carton does it actually say, ‘Bad for Diabetics’, so I figure I’m safe.)

Fifty Practice Posts

As much work as I’ve already put into the blog, there’s still a certain level at which I almost consider this to be the beginning. My posting ‘style’ (such as it is) has evolved into something that I’m comfortable with.

My posts have primarily all been akin to freeform essays from the very beginning, and that’s not likely to change anytime soon. But I think that I’m doing better at them now than I was when I started this endeavor. Practice makes perfect, and all that crap.

I started using subheadings last month. I originally just did it as a one-off device for the “Masturbation” post. I had written that installment of the blog in a more disjointed fashion than my usual posts, and wanted to use the subheadings to indicate these shifts. But I decided that I liked the subheadings, and kept on using them in subsequent posts.

Given that my posts are longer than what people tell me the average blog post is, I think that using subheadings – and thus, breaking each post up into (sometimes completely arbitrary) sections might make it into an easier read.

I also recently figured out how to use hyperlinks. So that now when I reference previous posts, you don’t have to hunt through the entire run of the blog in order to find them. (Plus I can link to other sites, as demonstrated in the next paragraph.) This is something else I’ve been meaning to do for awhile now, but only just recently devoted some of my limited library internet time to figuring out.

I’ve started pimping my blog on FetLife, dropping links to specific posts in groups I think (and/or hope) would appreciate them. I’m sending an email to this week in the hopes of getting my blog reviewed. I’ll be contacting the people who run Kinky Sex Link after that. [And if you stumble across other likely places that it would benefit me to alert to the presence of Time Delay, see if you can get an e-mail address for me. An e-mail address, not a web address, because sadly, a web address for a sex blog site isn’t likely to make it through the library’s porn filters.]

Heading Toward Post #100

Fifty posts down, an unknown and potentially infinite number to go. But the next obvious goal is post #100.

If I stick to the three posts a week (Monday – Wednesday – Friday) schedule, I’ll hit post #100 in just a little over four months. In actuality, I’ll get there even sooner than that. There’ll be an extra post tomorrow (first of a five part bi-weekly series). I don’t know how long next week’s series of posts will end up being, but looking at my notes, it will probably be more than just three. And if that kind of thing – an extra here and there, a week-long series every now and then – keeps up, post #100 will get here in no time at all.

I don’t fear running out of things to say. There are currently fifty-seven potential posts on my topic list. Several of which will probably evolve from post to series by time I get to them. And I’m always adding things in – both to the master topic list, and to the current post schedule, which I’ve now got roughed out about a month in advance.

Plus, if stuff actually happens – if I manage to start putting checkmarks on the 39 things to do in year 39 list, or if I start having orgasms that aren’t generated solely as a result of masturbation – then I may have all kinds of new stuff to talk about.

Three posts a week, fifty-two weeks a year, that’s over 150 posts every time the Earth rotates the sun. Add in the 50 posts I’ve got now, give it three years (less with the occasional series and extra post), and I’ll be all the way up to post #500 before you know it.

When that finally happens, I’m going to want a party with ice cream and cake. And dancing girls.

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