Friday, January 9, 2009

What Zeitgeist the Clown Did in 2008

2008 was kind of a strange year for me. At least, compared to all of the years which preceded it.

Prelude to 2008

In late December of 2007, I was looking ahead at the New Year. I had decided that things were going to be different in 2008. (Of course, I make that decision every year, and things never really change.)

After having broken my 12-year-long fixation on CJ, I found myself finally able to contemplate a sex life that wasn’t dependent on her coming back to me. It was a situation I wanted to take advantage of by trying to find a horny woman willing to satiate my sexual desires.

I also wanted to investigate the BDSM scene. I’d always been interested in BDSM. And I’d recently bought a couple of BDSM books while doing my Christmas shopping. These were presents To: Me, From: Me. I figured that I’d read about it. Probably want it. But that nothing would come of it.

January

In January I started reading “The New Topping Book” by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Then I started reading “SM101” by Jay Wiseman.

Then the unexpected happened. My pal Zorch stopped by, and over the course of an evening, we ended up talking about subcultures, and his interest in seeing how groups of people with social identities taken from outside the mainstream lived, how they were different than the people he was familiar with.

We talked a little bit about every subculture we could think of that night. And at one point I (semi-jokingly) suggested that if he was interested in investigating subcultures, we should look into the kink/BDSM scene by attending KinkFest in March. I expected him to roll his eyes at me. Instead he started asking questions: When was it?, How much it cost?, etc. By the end of the conversation, he had tentatively agreed to go. (What the fuck?!) If it didn’t interfere with his school schedule, and if I could come up with the money for my own membership fee, he’d spring for the hotel room, and take us.

So, the year pretty much started off by blowing my mind clear out of my head.

After dreaming about attending the event for years, it looked like I was actually going to KinkFest.

February

The KinkFest registration form had a line for ‘scene name’. Which is something that I hadn’t considered up until that point. I needed a new name.

I had plenty of names already. My birth name. The name I plan to publish under. A name that I’ve used for zine and internet stuff. Several other names that I’ve got laying in wait but haven’t actually used. But now I needed a new name. A BDSM name. Maybe more than just a name.

I’m very big on the concept of personas. (Personae?) Half who-you-are, half character. (Who-you’d-like-to-be?) My primary online moniker had always been more internet personality than simple pseudonym. (Sure, it was an almost completely unknown internet personality, but an internet personality nevertheless.)

I wasn’t convinced that I needed a full-blown persona, but it was something that I kept in mind while trying to find a name for myself. I came up with literally dozens of false starts towards what I wanted to call myself before deciding to reuse something from my past. I had once attended a sci-fi convention as “Zeitgeist the Clown”. I had made a full-head mask which the hotel wouldn’t let me wear post-9/11. So I just considered it a failed experiment and moved on. But I always thought that it had too much potential to simply abandon.

After rolling around the inside of my head for a few days, Zeitgeist the Clown just ‘fit’. It was who I would be in the BDSM and kink community. Having the scene name made me kind of want to start blogging. (Which would be interesting, given that I didn’t actually have internet access and just used the local public library’s computers a couple of times a week.) I started taking notes for an eventual blog.

I had put together my traditional Uberlist in late December/early January (a list of “108 Things to Do in 2008”), I decided that I needed to do a second list. This one for Zeitgeist the Clown. And primarily sexual. Over the course of three late nights, I came up with 108 things to do that were either sex acts or in some way linked to what I now saw as my kink persona.

March

I’m a member of various Yahoo Groups. Including a couple of Salem, OR-based groups devoted to people looking for hook-ups and people interested in the adult bookstore gloryhole/anonymous sex scene. It’s just a means of doing the whole vicarious fantasy thing by reading the posts of other people who are having sex.

In early March there was a post on one of these groups from a swinger couple in Tennessee who planned to do some traveling over spring break, and were looking for people to hook up with between their starting point and the west coast. The guy just wanted to watch. The girl wanted to lose her fisting cherry. She was also heavy into the concept of humiliation, and wanted prospective play partners to send detailed descriptions of what they’d do to her if she chose them – “the more degrading and abusive the better”.

I’d never responded to a post in any of these groups before. But something about this just sang out to me. (It didn’t hurt that the woman was described as a 27 year old, 130 lb, 5’4”, physically fit, pale skinned redhead with C-cup breasts.) So, I sent them an email. I introduced myself, talked about fisting (along with more degrading and abusive fantasies), and then waited for a reply.

A few days later, I returned to the local library to check my email and so on, but discovered that entering my name and library card number into the computer just brought up a screen informing me that I was not an authorized user. When I asked the librarian what was going on, she informed me that I had been banned from the internet. Why? Because I’d been looking at pornography.

This seemed odd to me, because I hadn’t been looking at pornography. So I asked for more information. I wanted to know specifically which site (or sites) that I’d been to had gotten me banned. And, it turns out, that I was no longer allowed to use the public library’s internet because of Livejournal. Apparently, Livejournal now qualifies as pornography. Who knew?

So, I sat at home and stewed for a week or so.

In addition to the public library, my crappy little town is also home to a Catholic college/seminary. They have a library, and that library has computers. So, after being officially banned from the public library’s internet for the seemingly trumped-up charge of accessing pornography, I switched my primary internet usage over to the local Catholic college. That seems reasonable, right?

This was the point at which I also started occasionally spending the night at my sister’s apartment to use her internet. I’d use the local access a couple of times a week, and my sister’s computer a couple of times a month.

The other big happening in March was, of course, KinkFest. My first ever BDSM/kink event. It wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, on several different levels. Three-day long event in a hotel with workshops, a dealer’s room, and a party-type thing at night. I’d had experience with this in the past, and it was called ‘science-fiction conventions’. So I was expecting KinkFest to be more science-fiction convention-y, just focused on BDSM and kink instead of sci-fi and fantasy. It was not.

KinkFest had a lot more deadtime than sci-fi cons like OryCon or WesterCon did. The typical sci-fi convention early-morning-til-past-midnight programming was absent.

Also – and this failed expectation I blame entirely one the obsessive-compulsive nature of my stupid, stupid brain – there weren’t throngs of fat-fetishist women climbing all over me, eager to take my virginity and then some.

I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy myself. Far from it. I had a great time. (In fact, as I sit here typing this, I’m currently trying to figure out how to scrape up enough money to go again this year.) I almost but not quite got my hand inside the woman presenting the fisting workshop. I bought a paddle. I used that paddle to beat on a woman who seemed to enjoy pain. I found the workshops I attended to be both entertaining and informative. Plus, the hotel had a hot tub. And really, how can any event be unenjoyable if you can spend at least a little bit of time soaking in a hot tub?

April

Returning home again, I went back to my list of topics for the blog, and sketched out more posts that I wanted to write. Took some notes, and whatnot. Planned to begin my blogging any day now, now that I’d attended KinkFest and had some BDSM information swarming around in my brain. Yeah, any day now . . .

After KinkFest turned out to be considerably less than the orgiastic fuck festival that my OCD-addled brain had assured me it would be, I started to realize just how truly ridiculous my 108 item long sexual Uberlist was. So one of the things that I did in the aftermath of KinkFest (and what I had thought was the build-up toward Darklady’s Masturbate-a-Thon party) was whittle the 108 items down to ten.

The Top Ten List: Lost Virginity. Suck on Bare Female Toes. Lose Anal Virginity. Fist a Woman. Start Taking Erotic/Pornographic Photos. Get a Blowjob. Write on a Naked Woman. Engage in Watersports With a Woman. Play Strip Poker. Spank a Woman on Her Bare Ass.

I also finally got a response from the swinger couple whose post I’d replied to a month earlier. They’d missed their original spring break window, but both had accumulated vacation time at work, and wanted to do some traveling periodically through the year. And the disturbing sexual content of my letter apparently turned the woman on considerably. They said that they were working on getting pictures taken, and would send them out shortly so that I could see just what this hot little redhead looked like.

May

May was largely uneventful. I was looking forward to FINALLY attending my first Darklady party at the end of the month when National Masturbation Month came to a close, and she held her annual Masturbate-a-Thon party.

Sadly, my ride to the party bailed out on me at the last minute, and I couldn’t find anyone else to take me.

June

In June I read “The Toybag Guide to Ageplay” by Lee “Bridgett” Harrington, after having long held interests in both topic and author. (I was a big fan of Bridgett Harrington’s Livejournal back when I had internet access of my own – especially when she’d post photos of her self wearing either little or nothing. I was always sad that I was too poor to afford a subscription to her paysite.)

I wanted to do a post on ageplay. Just as soon as I started doing the blog. (Didn’t start the blog in June, and I still haven’t posted about ageplay.)

I finally received pictures of the hot little redheaded swinger girl in my email in June. Wow! She was either unbelievably hot, or didn’t match her description at all and was now trying to pass off pictures of a gorgeous professional nude model as herself. Either way, those photos made me touch myself in a naughty place.

This is the point at which the swinger girl and I started actively corresponding.

I started reading the personals on Craigslist about this time, too.

July

Sometime in July, the little swinger girl informed me that her husband had gotten cold feet about traveling and sharing his wife with strangers. It was something that she still wanted to do, but nothing that was going to happen any time soon.

She also got her own email account so that she could get emails without danger of hubby reading them. And she asked me to heap on the humiliation play when writing her. She also asked me to start giving her dares to perform. (I will now stop calling her the swinger girl and refer to her instead as Humiliation Girl.)

Our emails got more intense as I started to get into the humiliation thing. I also began writing a multi-part scenario about a lengthy sexual encounter between myself and Humiliation Girl in a motel room. And I started contemplating dares for her.

I also started responding to the occasional Craigslist ad. Sending emails to people posting on the Salem ‘Women Seeking Men’ and ‘Casual Encounters’ sections when I was spending the night or weekend at my sister’s apartment. Nobody ever responded to my responses. But it was still a big step for me.

August

August was where lots of stuff started to happen. First of all, I discovered the existence of something called ‘FetLife.com’, which was initially described to me as being like MySpace, but for perverts.

I signed up for an account during a weekend when I was apartment sitting for my sister. (And the next week I discovered that the library’s “no-no” filters aren’t tripped by attempts to go to the site. Meaning that I can access FetLife from my home town. Yay!)

That same weekend I also posted my first (and thus far only) ad on Craigslist personals. I got a whopping ONE reply to my little cry for sexual help, and that was from someone who pretty much changed her mind about the whole thing before I could get back to her.

And . . . after months of procrastinating . . . I finally started blogging. “Time Delay” was officially born, and saw four posts go up in it’s debut month. Whee! I was now a sex blogger. (Or was that a sex-less blogger? If your blog is about not getting any, is it still a sex blog? Hmm.)

Back when Zorch decided that we’d go to KinkFest, I started looking around for a local munch. I’d never been to one, and wanted to go. I discovered that Salem had a twice monthly munch. My plan was to go to the very next one. Couldn’t find a ride. Each time I missed the munch, my plan was to hit the next one. And in August, I finally managed to attend my first munch. I showed up late, due to my ride running late. And I haven’t been able to get a ride to another munch since.

But the munch I attended was exciting for me, not just because I enjoyed myself, but also because I mistakenly thought that it was the first of many I would be attending.

I continued my correspondence with Humiliation Girl throughout the first half of August. I gave her dares to perform. At one point I gave her a punishment for sassing me. I insulted her and degraded her (each time getting an email back telling me how hot my insults and degradation had made her).

In the last half of August . . . nothing. No emails from her at all. I shot her a short email after about ten days of silence, and got no reply to it. Curious.

September

I spent the first half of September sick. It was a flare-up of my Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome that left me pretty much doing nothing but either laying there in pain, or walking to the bathroom and back, or eating something. Not a situation that I recommend.

Once I was finally over that, I twisted my ankle, which kept me from walking up the hill to the library. And then I suffered a hard drive crash. Number of posts uploaded to “Time Delay” in September? Zero.

Somewhere around mid-month I finally got a quick email from Humiliation Girl. Just a short note letting me know that there had been some kind of storm damage at her office, taking out their computer network (and keeping her from going online), in addition to which she had some ‘stuff’ going on in her personal life. She assured me that she was fine, and that she’d get back to me shortly. (She also told me that she’d completed two of the three dares I’d given her, and done the punishment activity. But that all of them required more time to explain fully than she had, so she’d give me a detailed report in her next email.)

That was the last I’ve heard from her.

October

After basically skipping September, I restarted “Time Delay” in October. All told I got seven blog posts written (or rewritten – some of them were partially remembered refugees from September’s hard drive crash) in October.

I also started making preparations for Halloween. Darklady was throwing a (late) Halloween party in early November. And there was a Halloween party at the Asylum Dungeon I wanted to attend, if I could find a ride.

I posted a ride request in several FetLife groups. Eventually someone sent me a message pointing me toward a thread in a group I wasn’t a member of, where someone had a thread going where he was trying to put together a carpool to the event. Jackpot!

I contacted the guy, made arrangements, and then started working on what I thought was the perfect costume for a Halloween party at a BDSM dungeon. “The Ghost of All Piñatas.” Me in a giant piñata costume with a stick to whack people with. (Tell me that’s not perfect.)

Of course, I’d kind of underestimated the insulating properties of a costume made primarily of a plastic rain poncho and layers of tissue paper when worn in large crowds of body heat-exuding humans . . . so the costume made it less than an hour before it was removed to keep me from passing out.

November

Early November saw me complete my costume for Darklady’s party. I had decided to go in drag. Post-apocalyptic drag. My helpers (my sister and future brother-in-law) and I constructed a gas mask to hide the goatee area of my face, then shaved off the sides of my beard so that I looked like I had no facial hair at all. (Future bro-in-law actually shaved off the majority of my body hair as well.)

Scuffed-up leather hiking boots, black nylons, animal-print skirt, bra, denim jacket decorated with various buttons, patches, and fabric paint declaring me to be “Maulie” of the “Post Apocalyptic Cross-Dressers”, the gas mask, dark glasses, denim ballcap with ‘pigtail holes’ that my hair was threaded through and then tied up with big pink ribbons – I made such a pretty girl!

Zorch drove me to the party (and picked me up after and drove me home). The party itself was absolutely spectacular. I got to watch horny exhibitionist types having sex right in front of me. I traded groping privileges with a bare breasted woman I met at the bar – me playing with her naked tits while she played with my bra-encased man-boobs. I was finally able to let my foot fetish off it’s leash and take a set of pretty bare toes in my mouth.

Time Delay saw 11 posts in November. I was – to coin a phrase – blogging like a son of a bitch.

December

And I continued blogging like a son of a bitch in December. 17 posts total (with 5 more scheduled but either delayed or cancelled by weather.) Including a week long ‘series’ at the beginning of the month about all the girls/women I’d been in love with over the course of my life.

Then Oregon was buried under snow and ice, which wasn’t good. It was called the worst winter storm in 40 years. Roads were closed. Whole towns were closed. The library was closed, which meant that my blog was closed. Hell, my birthday was even closed. Storm has to be pretty bad when it starts effecting time as well as space.

The month (and for that matter, the year) was capped off by the minor disaster of me attending Darklady’s New Year’s Eve party, having a seizure, and then having to leave early.

Onward Into 2009

At the very end of 2007, a summary of what was to be my trip through 2008 would have seemed a little bit unbelievable to me. Exciting, but unbelievable. Now that I’m at the end of 2008 and have actually lived through those things . . . it just seems like a good starting point for 2009. KinkFest is coming. There are more Darklady parties on the way. Billions of women exist in the world, and surely some of them must be interested in letting me do naughty kinky things to them with my fingers and penis. Surely one of them must be reasonably local.

2008 just kind of happened to me, unaware. This year, I’m sort of making plans ahead of time. I can’t wait to see what I end up writing for my eventual “What Zeitgeist the Clown Did in 2009” post.

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