This year’s KinkFest promises to be the best of the one’s I’ve attended thus far. The KinkFest committee has booked the entire hotel for the event to keep all of the vanilla lookie-loos away from the area.
There will be ‘Community Gatherings’ going on throughout the event where you can meet up with like minded individuals for socializing and kinky networking. The current schedule lists gatherings for Age Players, Foot Fetishists,Polyamourists , a Gay Men’s gathering as well as a separate all-inclusive Queer/Gender Variant gathering, and many others. There’s also going to be a group gathered to discuss the topic of “The Dichotomy and Perceptions of BDSM and Sex - Why some Flog and Don't Fuck while others Fuck and Don't Flog”. Given my interest in BDSMI, I’ll definitely be there for that. Sadly, there’s no BBW/BHM gathering on the schedule. (Sigh.)
Of course, there’s the usual far-too-many workshops I want to attend given the small number of workshop periods that contain them. (Plus the fact that some of the community gatherings I want to attend take place during workshops I also want to attend.Aaaargh!) One of the scheduled workshop presenters is Lee Harrington, whom I’ve wanted to meet for ages and eons now.
And perhaps most exciting, there will be a ‘5-minute dating for tops and bottoms’ workshop to set up play partners for the dungeon party.
Whoa – segue! The title of this post is “What I’d Like In a Play Partner (or Partners) at KinkFest . . . what a coincidence!
Somebody to Spank
Two of the standard elements of BDSM are spanking and bondage. And I want to spank somebody. I think about pulling down her pants/hiking up her skirt. Bending her over and bringing my hand down hard on her panty-covered ass. I fantasize about sliding her panties down her legs, and letting them pool at her feet. Smacking her bare ass over and over again with a wooden paddle.
Yeah. I want someone to spank.
I want a nicely shaped bare bottom to abuse with either bare hand or spanking implement. A naughty girl who needs a spanking to keep her in line. Or a good girl, embarrassed about how she craves some corporal punishment for it's own sake. A horny girl, who gets off on it. (Or who simply gets further aroused by it, and then needs other things from me to actually get off.)
Somebody to Bind
Then, of course, the other BDSM staple. The bondage. I'd like somebody to bind.
I use the term 'bind' rather than 'tie-up' because I can't actually operate a rope without an instruction manual (and probably not even then). My preferred bondage medium has always been duct tape. (I've also used police-style handcuffs, and I've used chains. But neither are in my possession at the moment.)
I'd love to strap a willing playmate into leather cuffs for playtime, but I'd have to specifically find a playmate who had her own leather cuffs for that to happen.
There are a plethora of bondage fantasies in my head, but at their core, it's all pretty much just 'strip her down, tape her up'. I want to secure her to a bed. A chair. A spanking bench. Table. Et cetera and so on. Different potential positions. All sorts of thoughts on what to do once she's bound.
But the big, king, grand-daddy of my bondage desires . . . is this wrist-to-ankle hogtie thing that was in the first bondage magazine I ever saw. I want to do that. (Ropeless, would that be a wrist-to-ankle hogtape? Is hogtape even a word? Fuck it, it is now.)
Naked woman laying on her front, knees tucked up underneath her. (Sort of on her knees and shoulders, I guess, with ass in the air.) Left wrist pulled back and secured to left ankle. Right wrist secured to right ankle.
I want to bind someone in this position. I can see it in my head. I can almost feel her ankle in my hands. Her ankle, her wrist, the roll of duct tape, adhesive on my fingertips . . .
I’m also interested in the immediate aftermath. What to do once I have the person in that particular predicament. Does that upraised bare ass cry out for a spanking? Are the exposed orifices to be investigated? Plundered? Obviously, everything depends on the limits set during the pre-scene negotiation. Having finally experiences putting someone in the wrist-to-ankle hogtape, I’d probably be content with the tease and torment of simple sensation play.
I also wouldn’t mind rolling her over onto her back, so her toes were in the air . . . but I’ll talk about toes later on.
Somebody to Flog
I'd really like to flog someone. Unlike the rare spanking, and the equally rare incidence of bondage, flogging is something that I have zero experience with.
But I've seen it done, and from the spectator's sidelines, it looks good to me.
Last KinkFest I told myself that by time the 2010 event rolled around, I'd have either purchased a flogger from S.M. Hertz, or saved up enough money to buy one from them in the dealer's room.
Yeah, neither of those things happened.
So as I'm sitting here promising myself that I'll either have or purchase an S.M. Hertz flogger (by/at) the 2011 KinkFest, I'm still hoping for a flogging opportunity now. I want to find someone with their own flogger who will let me try it out on them.
Maybe I can find a Top interested in teaching me how to use a flogger. Maybe one willing to lend both his flogger (the implement) and his floggee (the person).
Anyway since we’re on the topic of my not owning a flogger . . .
Somebody With Their Own Toys
You may have already noticed a running theme of "I'd do this, but I don't have those toys/tools/etc." in this post. Said trend will only continue.
My toybag contains four things. A wooden paddle I bought at KinkFest 2008, a roll of duct tape, a blindfold I won at Darklady’s Masturbate-a-Thon, and a very expensive vibrator I won in a contest at Sextoys.com. Four things. That’s it.
Actually, I’m not sure it even contains the roll of duct tape right now. I may have repurposed that particular piece of bondage gear for miscellaneous home repairs. I might need to hit Wal*Mart before the event.
(And when I say ‘toy bag’, what I refer to is my actual collection of BDSM toys – there isn’t actually a bag around them. They’re usually just tucked away on a shelf inbetween KinkFests.)
So I need one of two things. Either more toys (toys, equipment, gear, etc.), or a partner who comes with their own fully equipped toybag.
Somebody to Fist
Ah, fisting . . . this has been a huge fantasy of mine for ages now. I want to put my hand in someone. (Specifically, vaginal fisting. The thought of anal fisting creeps me out a little. This big of a hand is not meant to go into that small of a hole. And while, yes, I do carry it at these events, I'm not sure even the mighty duct tape could fix a person split completely in half.)
My first (and thus far only) experience with fisting was at my first KinkFest, back in 2008. They had a workshop on fisting, and the instructor opened herself up (so to speak) to the audience. A long line formed, and when it was my turn, the guy in front of me pulled his hand out, and I started to thrust my hand in. I wasn't able to get my hand completely inside of her, but I was thrilled to have at least technically been involved in the fisting of someone.
Of course, sticking my hand into a stretched open hole wasn't my fisting 'dream date'. No, I wanted to start at the very beginning. First the fingering, then loosening her up and stretching her wider on my own. (Not having the 20 or so guys in line ahead of me doing it for me).
Fing, finger, fingest. (You can't spell 'fingest' without 'f-i-s-t', you know?) I want to slowly work my hand deep inside of her, and bring about her slippery moaning arousal and writhing, thrashing, bucking orgasms. (Yes, I do have a high opinion of my hand. Thank you for noticing.)
Somebody to Mark (Not What You May Think)
I’ve been to two KinkFests now, and one of the things that I’ve noticed is that on Saturday and Sunday mornings (following the Friday and Saturday night play parties) you can find people sitting around comparing marks. Bruises, welts, ropeburn, etc.
Bottoms take pride in wearing their marks. Just as tops take pride in inflicting them.
But while I definitely want to inflict both impact play and bondage upon the flesh of a willing female bottom, it’s the in-the-moment act that I’m looking forward to. I don’t really see ‘leaving marks’ as doing anything for me. Not those kind of marks, anyway.
The marks that I’d like to leave on a woman would come from the tip of a Crayola Washable Marker. (Or a Sharpie Permanent Marker – not actually permanent on human skin, but longer lasting than the Crayola.)
Graphoerotica – images of naked women with words written on them in marker or lipstick or other likely ‘inks’ – turn me on like you wouldn’t believe. I want to create some of that myself.
Labeling her flesh with words like ‘slut’, ‘whore’, ‘fuckhole’, and other derogatory terms. Or if she’s not into that, write instructions. ‘Pinch here’, ‘cock goes here’, ‘squeeze this’, etc. Or just be generally clever. ‘I just let a fat man write on me.’ (When I do finally lose my now nearly-legendary virginity, I’d like a photo of her with the words ‘I just let a fat man fuck me’ scrawled on either her bare belly or back.)
Somebody With Abusable Nipples
I am – for the most part – a situational sadist. It’s not that I’m interested in doing things that end up causing a woman pain. It’s that I’m interested in doing things that end up causing a masochistic woman pain.
Not that I’ve had a lot of actual experience with it thus far. But in my fantasies, when she comes to me (whoever she happens to be) she doesn’t just want it – she needs it.
The fantasy is delivering the spanking, the flogging, the whatnot in an effort to satisfy her craving for it. And not simply to satisfy a BDSM interest of mine.
So it’s not all women. Just masochistic women.
Of course, that all goes out the window when I see nipples. Nipples whisper, “Pinch me! Hard! No, harder – as hard as you can!” Not just the nipples of masochistic women, either. All women’s nipples tell me this. They taunt me. “Come pinch us!”
So far, I’ve never used a nipple clamp on anyone (I don’t actually own any nipple clamps – I should probably scrounge up some clothespins or something.). And the amount of strength I’ve got in my hands varies wildly because of some of what I’ve got going on medically, so oftentimes pinching is less effective than it could be.
But for the past few years, I’ve had this fantasy of making someone in a BDSM environment use their safeword just by pinching their nipples.
Somebody With Suckable Toes
This is a kink desire, not a BDSM desire. I have no deep yearning to listen to a woman tell me things like, “On your knees at my feet, you worthless slave! Worship my feet! Clean my dirty sweaty feet with your tongue!”
What I want is to find a woman with cute feet (clean, preferably) who likes having her toes sucked on. I want this woman to accept my offer to suck on her toes – an erotic act performed among equals, not in any capacity of her domming me, of me submitting to her.
Someone Who Will Pose
At one point there was talk of setting up a special photography area at the otherwise no-cameras-allowed event. I don't know if this is something that the conference organizers decided to go ahead with, or if it was just a musing that went nowhere. But I want someone willing to pose for my digital camera.
Either in the (possibly non-existent) photography area, or behind closed doors in a hotel room (mine, hers, theirs, someone else's, whatever). I want me some pictures. I want naked frolicking exhibitionists. I want bondage photography. I want images of my bright red handprint on her bare butt. I want photos of Crayola marker graphiti across exposed body parts. I want pictures of sexy bare feet.
Pictures of (comparatively shy) people for my private collection. And maybe even pictures of some wild exhibitionists willing to let their photos appear here on the blog.