Monday, November 15, 2010

Territory Both Familiar and Un-

In my last post (okay, I suppose it's now "Two posts ago" due to the fact that the post preceding this one was an explanation/commentary on the mishap/fuckup that occured while writing this post) I mentioned that I had a completed post sitting on my hard drive, awaiting flash drive travel to the library to be posted.

But since my computer is currently in pieces in my brother's workshop, that post isn't going to see the light of day anytime soon. It's title was "Unfamiliar Territory", and it talked about how things were starting to go well for me. Heh. I apparently should not have tempted fate like that.

[For the record: I don't necessarily believe in fate. I am certain, however, that fate is out to get me.]

Since I have no idea how long it will be before I actually have a computer again, I've decided to attempt writing blog entries here at the library. So what you're reading right now is oddly experimental (please make sure that you're wearing an apron and safety goggles).

It feels strange and somehow wrong to be trying to write outside of my home. Plus, there are these signs affixed to every monitor here that include the text: "Library computers are for research purposes only. They are not to be used for word processing - please use the computer lab for this purpose." Of course, since I don't have access to their computer lab . . .

Anyway, I'd be hesitant to try and recreate the curiously upbeat and optimistic "Unfamiliar Territory" post, as that would be poking at fate with a sharp stick again. Fortunately, the typical 'suck' of my life has reiterated itself sufficiently so that I can balance out the recent goodness with some of the usual craptacularness.

Social Circles

There are more people in my life now than there were six months ago. I seem to be developing a new social circle. (Okay, so, in actuality I'm more likely leeching off a subset of Darklady's social circle, but it's got the same basic result.) I've got friends.

Oh, nobody that I could call in the middle of the night to help me dispose of a corpse or anything, but still . . . friends. That's just plain weird. Outside of my siblings and their spouses -- and the increasingly rare appearances by my pal Zorch (not his real name) -- I haven't spent time with anyone whose company I enjoyed in . . . I honestly can't remember how long. Until recently.

And now I get to see these fine people about once a week or so. It's crazy! I'm actually socializing. Socializing with people that actually seem to like me. (Or are good enough actors to hide their distaste of this hideous newcomer. But really, either way is good for right now.)

The Knee

Of course, the whole socializing thing takes place after I've spent a day killing time in shopping malls. By time I get to the Darklady's place, the first order of business is scarfing down pain pills due to the increasing amount of pain in my right knee.

So, when I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that to him, and he sent me to the hospital for x-rays, the end result of which was a diagnosis of severe arthritis. There are areas of my knee which are nearly bone-on-bone. And, of course, there's pretty much nothing that they can do for me. "Lose weight" was the only useful suggestion, and that'll be a lengthy process that won't see results anytime soon. Sigh.

Okay, knee pain and ugly diagnosis are depressing me now. ("Bone on Bone" would be a great name for skeleton porn. But I just don't like it as part of my knee pain diagnosis.)


One of the discoveries that I've made while spending time up at Darklady's Wonderground is the ancient and sacred art of . . . karaoke! And while I don't really know if I'm any good at it (I've been assured that I don't suck at it, so I suppose that's something), I do know that I enjoy it immensely. In fact, I loves me mah karaoke!

Standing there and belting out karaoke tunes at the top of my lungs (or actually trying to sing some of the less shout-y selections) is just incredible. I've literally been singing stuff from A to Z. (My very first night I sang both Aerosmith and ZZTop material) Paul Simon, Counting Crows, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Radiohead, Elvis, They Might Be Giants, Leonard Cohen, and so on and so forth. (Sebastian the Crab from the Little Mermaid - "Under the Sea".)

Plus, I get applause that -- to me, at least -- doesn't seem like it's pity applause or sarcasm. None of the awkward social contract applause of 'I'll pretend to enjoy your bad karaoke if you pretend to enjoy mine'. (Not that there's a whole lot of bad karaoke at the Wonderground's biweekly Naughty Karaoke Thursdays. Some, yes. But not a lot.)


Although, accessing my social circle, attending Karaoke (and other Wonderground events), and so on all cost me money. $16.55 round trip to Portland from my crappy little town on a multitude of buses over several different transit systems. Plus food court lunch money and other incidentals. It might not seem like that much, but when you both factor in my ridiculous fixed income, and multiply it by how many weeks there are in a month it turns into a comparative fortune.

Back in September, it proved to be too much for my struggling little bank account, and I overdrew. Whoops. It wasn't too awfully bad, though. No, 'too awfully bad' was saved for when I overdrew again near the end of October. BIG fucking whoops.

I don't have the exact figures with me, but by time I deposited my November checks, over half of my money ended up going to pay for October's overdraft fees. Grr.


There are women in my new social circle. And some of the women seem to like me. More specifically, some of the women have been flirting with me. (With me! I couldn't believe it myself!)

Some of them are flirting just to be flirting, but some of them . . . some of them are open to advances being made toward them. (I know this, because I've asked.)

First was Stormy, who just oozes sensuality/sexuality, and for reasons passing understanding seemed to take a little bit of an interest in me. A little bit of fooling around has taken place at a couple of Wonderground events. Hopefully, more fooling around will take place in the future.

And then came Leanne. I've discovered that I can't seem to put together a coherent sentence about Leanne while sitting in the library with people walking to-and-fro around me. But the post-after-next on my schedule of blogging is an entry tentatively entitled "Leanne", and so it's possible that I might talk about her therein. (You know, what with the post being named after her and all.)

Hopefully I'll be able to grab some more private time on a computer somewhere -- Darklady's computer after Naughty Karaoke guests have left and she's gone to bed, my brother-in-law's computer during a visit there, or something. Who knows.

[Because I really NEED to blog about Leanne. I have things to say, and I'd like to say them before I explode.]


Obviously, the computer going 'snap-BOOM-fizzle' has been a personal crisis of major proportions. Can't write (in peace, quiet, and private). Blogging has become dangerous, as my confusion between 'publish post' and 'save now' demonstrates. Can't listen to music. Can't watch DVDs. Can't watch porn. Can't masturbate. (Okay, I can still masturbate, I just have to use my imagination for inspiration instead of porn. Scary!) There are many, many, many actual 'Can't's associated with 'no computer', and my day-to-day life has become a low-tech prison sentence.


Okay, my brother got everything apart and discovered (in addition to the dead mouse) that my fans were most of the way clogged, and that all of the heat sink compound had kinda melted. Hmm. After far too much time had passed for my anxious and impatient taste, he replaced the heat sink compound, cleaned everything out, put it all back together, hooked it all up to a monitor and keyboard, and pushed the button.

And . . . nothing. Computer still dead. Not even progressed as far as zombie.

So now his theory is that either/or/both the motherboard or processor are fried. Not good. Not cheap. (And remember the bank and it's overdraw fees from a few sections back? Yeah.)

Both of my siblings have recently purchased houses. And in the temporary 'staying with friends for a few weeks' period between leaving their previous residence and moving into their new house, both my brother and my brother-in-law got rid of their stockpile of extra computer parts. Just my luck. My brother-in-law's pile included an actual functioning (mostly obsolete but still functioning) computer that I could be using as a spare until mine is eventually a working machine again. But, no.

Photo Shoot

Where are we? I've lost track. Good, bad, good, bad, good, bad . . . I guess we're back to good again.

I've always wanted to get into erotic photography. I believe I've said as much a time or two here in the blog. Well, there's finally some progress to report on that front.

The Darklady has agreed to model for me! We're trying to find a 'free' day in her ever-busy schedule when this can be accomplished. (A day when she's free AND I'm able to be in Portland.)

I still need to pick up a tripod. (And a couple of important props.) But I'm eager for this. I've got a list of themes/series/pictorials/what-have-yous that I've got in mind for this thing. All of them perfectly normal, of course, having sprung from the depths of MY mind.

I wonder about the consequences of these photos turning out well. Fantasies include Darklady saying, "We should do that again--take more pictures of me!" and other women seeing them and saying, "Ooh--now take pictures of me!"

The Other Thing

No. Uh-uh. There's another entry in the 'bad things of the sort that typically happen to me' column, but I'm not going to blog about that. (At least, not right now. My Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder addled brain keeps telling me that I need to write a blog post about that situation. And I keep trying to stab my Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder addled brain with a ball-point pen, hoping to kill it. So far, we're at an impasse.)

Suffice to say . . . fate REALLY hates me.

Gettin' Thumped on the Head

And the final topic of the post . . . I honestly can't decide whether it's good or bad.

Darklady has started thumping me on the head. (Getting thumped on the head = the kind of thing I'd consider familiar territory.)

It seems that Stormy had made some complaints about my level of self-deprecation and verbal self-abuse to the Dark One, who agreed that something needed to be done about ended up being charitably referred to as "my self-esteem issues".

Darklady's recent solution to this has been to thump be on the head anytime she hears me say anything derogatory about myself. I've been getting thumped on the head a lot when I'm over there.

(People concerned for my self-esteem = definitely the kind of thing I'd consider unfamiliar territory.)

The only problem is that now Darklady has started recruiting. Other people have thumped me on the head, saying, "That was from Darklady."

My life is strange.

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