“Some people even lust after a clown.”
I like clowns. Female clowns. No, you probably don’t get it – I really, really like female clowns.
“You’re WHAT Kind of Pervert?”
At KinkFest, I had several people ask me for the story behind my scene name.
[Huh. I haven’t actually written the KinkFest report yet, have I? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that I’m still writing it, despite it’s ‘much belated’-ness. Just not today. Probably not this week. “Early June” is what my brain now tells me.]
Now, where was I? Right . . . some of the KinkFest attendees were asking, “Why ‘Zeitgeist the Clown’?” For the most part, I gave them all the same answer. (It’s the same answer that I’ll give in a post I’ll write next month.) And while everything I told them was true, I didn’t tell them everything. Not most of them, anyway.
But the one person who asked . . . well . . . after telling her the origin of the name, I also ‘fessed up to the fact that . . . “I’ve also got a clown fetish. So that factored into choosing the name, somewhat.”
She looked at me as if I’d suddenly turned into a mongoose made entirely out of pinecones, who had then immediately eaten the only brick of anthropomorphic cheese that knew the cure for cancer.
“A CLOWN fetish?!” she said, obviously hardly able to believe what she had heard.
It occurred to me at that point that the clown fetish might perhaps have been a piece of information best kept to myself. Alas, it was too late for that. She now knew. So it was time to . . . what? Explain? Attempt to justify? Knock her unconscious, drag her back to my room, put her in manacles, and deck her out in clown white for later private play? (Oh, if only I owned manacles . . . and clown white . . .)
I didn’t exactly talk through the basis of MY clown fetish, but tried to cover the broad outline of clown fetish in general. All the while thinking, “Man, why haven’t I done a blog entry on this yet?”
I’ve no doubt that I could easily sit here behind my keyboard and bang out 20,000 words . . . and still not cover all the basics of the clown fetish. Clown fetishism in general, or clown fetishism as it specifically applies to me. The bias against it among the general populace. The bias against it amongst other fetishists. Preconceived notions, and weird crap I’ve thought up while spending the afternoon fantasizing about hot, sexy, horny clown girls.
But I’ve been making an effort to keep my posts shorter lately. I’ve been getting complaints about their length. I’m sure that now that I’ve (finally) started, clown fetishism is a topic that I’ll want to revisit anyway, so why try and cover everything the first time out, right?
I will start out by saying that there are – for the purposes of today’s post – two different kinds of clown fetishists. Those who are attracted to clowns, and those who get off by becoming clowns. I fit into the first category, and I’m going to completely ignore the second at this point in time.
Clown White and Face Paint
For me, a large part of the fetish is her face. White skin, oversized red smile, equally colorful eyes and nose, oftentimes presented in exaggerated or simply odd shapes . . . there’s just something about it that turns me on.
Some people think that’s weird. Or, more accurately, some people thing that I’M weird because of this attraction. But really, when you stop and break it down . . .
‘Alabaster skin’. Or ‘skin like a porcelain doll’. Attraction to a woman with these qualities doesn’t mark you as a pervert.
And are you really sick in the head if you can appreciate the attractive qualities of the geisha? The geisha is oftentimes presented as the manifestation of female Japanese sex appeal. (Both the often misunderstood by Westerners to be prostitutes geisha, and the actual prostitution-oriented oiran from which the geisha tradition evolved.)
Yes, the geisha are pretty much considered universally sexy, with their face covered in white make-up, their lips and eyes accented in red and black, their – wait, didn’t I pretty much already give this description just a couple of paragraphs ago?
The Rain-’Fro (and Other Wig-age)
Hair color is very important to some people. Some guys like blondes. Other guys don’t just like them, but actually fetishize them.
[Personally, I’ve never understood the attraction of blondes. Blonde hair is at the absolute bottom of my hierarchy of desirable hair colors. But that’s just me.]
I’ve got two personal categories of fetish-worthy hair coloration. One of those is the redhead. (Ah, the redhead . . . ) The other is unnatural hair colors.
Blue. Green. Metallic purple. Cotton-candy pink. Chrome. And so on.
If I were custom ordering myself a hot clown girl, I think her hair would be a solid color – probably either purple or pink hair – rather than the more familiar rainbow hodgepodge. Probably long and straight rather than the rainbow wig’s curls, too. Right now my brain is hollering something about pigtails. I can’t tell exactly what it’s saying over the sound of my blood rushing down to my penis.
Red Rubber Nose
The nose. So often overlooked. “You have such pretty eyes . . . you have such pretty lips . . . ” You so seldom hear, “You have such a pretty nose.”
The clown’s face, even if it’s not going for classically beautiful, does try to call attention to all of it’s features. The eyes, the mouth, and yes, even the nose.
Sometimes it’s just a dot of color on the end, traditionally red. Sometimes it’s more face paint than a just a dot. But more often than not, instead of simple make-up, it’s something else altogether.
The classic clown nose. Round. Red. Rubber.
Soft rubber, hard rubber, foam rubber . . . sometimes even plastic. Or made from a tiny crafter’s pom-pom.
It can attach to the face via spirit gum, or by an elastic band around the head, or simply hold onto the nose under it’s own power, either due to how it was built or by little clips.
(Hard red rubber ball on a band around the head . . . I wonder if I’m the only one that’s ever contemplated creating a dual purpose clown nose/ball gag for submissive clowns?)
I don’t see the clown nose as being sexy in and of itself. It’s sexy because (to me) clowns are sexy, and it’s part of the package. But, if you need me to hand you some kind of justification, well, it’s round. Round like breasts, round like little bare toes. Round is curved, and curves are sexy.
Plus, it’s red. The color of lipstick and nail polish. The traditional color of lust and passion. The color of blood, the color of life.
And, hey – some of them even ‘honk’ when you squeeze them.
Oversized Shoes (and Other Assorted Paraphernalia)
Oversized shoes. Yeah, my fantasy clown girl is the type that wears normal sized sneakers, or combat boots (or possibly just runs around naked from the ankles on downward). My foot fetish takes one look at the traditional oversized clown shoe and screams, then runs for the exit. Not something that turns me on. Not at all.
And while the whole ‘giantess’ thing is another fetish that isn’t mine, it’s another one that clowns could cater to well. A pair of words that come up time and again when referring to clown props are ‘Novelty Oversize’. The giant pair of sunglasses. The giant comb. Any of a number of items that are giant versions of normally small things, manufactured for comedy purposes.
[You’ll occasionally also find the ‘Novelty Undersize’ prop. And I, Zeitgeist the Clown, will state for the record that my personal favorite prop is my novelty undersize penis. Ha ha ha!]
There is a mystery to clowns. (There are actually a plethora of mysteries to clowns, but I’m going to single out and discuss two of them here, both dealing with their appearance.)
Clown white, face paint, wig, rubber nose, costume . . . the first mystery is: Who is she? Because, really, she could be anybody under all that.
Who could she possibly be? A stranger? A co-worker? A friend? An enemy? A relative? A pre-op transsexual? Virgin? Slut? Jailbait? Seven-years-married getting itchy?
Sex with a clown could be anonymous sex. It could also be one-way anonymous sex. You don’t know her, but she knows you. You don’t even know who she is, but does she know you? Is she one of the Dramatis Personae of your life? It’s a mystery.
But it’s the other mystery where I focus a lot of my clown fetish energy. The mystery of: What does a clown look like naked?
I haven’t really talked about the costume in this post, mainly because I’m trying to keep it short. But the traditional choices include the full patterned body suit, or the crazy outfit where the pants have long legs and the shirt’s got long sleeves. More often than not, clowns are found wearing gloves. So a lot of the time, the painted-up face is the only ‘exposed’ body part you see.
This makes my imagination spiral out of control. Yes, it’s possible that if I were to strip a sexy clown woman naked I’d find the same thing that I’d find if I stripped a sexy non-clown woman naked. But there are other possibilities, and that’s what I tend to focus on.
If all I can see of her unclothed body is her face, it makes me wonder if everything follows the same pattern. White face. White body? Is it just her facial skin that’s white, or is she that same hue from head to toe?
Mouth ringed with bright red. Is every major orifice? Does she have a vertical clown ‘smile’ centered over her vulva? Are her inner labia ‘pussy lips pink’, or ‘fire truck red’? And if she’s got yet another red stripe covering her anus . . . is it a separate stripe from the vaginal one, or do the two red lines converge over the perineum, becoming one?
The red rubber nose, perched upon the face’s protrusion. But the body has other protrusions, and aren’t bare breasts just crying out for red rubber clown nipples?
Then, as concerns the rainbow wig, comes the old cliché: “Do the curtains match the drapes?” Does she, in fact, have rainbow pubes?
[Years before I’d ever heard the word ‘merkin’ or discovered the notion of a pubic wig outside the bounds my own imagination I thought that I had invented/created the concept of a pubic hairpiece during my musings about clown nudity. Shave her natural pubes off, and apply her little rainbow bush with spirit gum. I was a genius, I was.]
The few other touches of face paint up above would undoubtedly lead to a larger number of body paint applications further down.
Of course, it could also be that a clown’s naked body is as different from her head as her head is from a non-clown human’s head. In which case, I can’t even begin to speculate what I might find beneath a clown’s clothing. (But man-oh-man, would I like to find out!)
But That’s Not All . . .
The hair, the make-up, the nose, the costume . . . that certainly isn’t everything. That’s by no means all there is to clowns. Nor is there all that is to the sexual, kinky, and/or fetishistic appeal of clowns.
But as I said earlier, I’m not covering everything in this post.
I’ll come back at a later point and talk more about clown fetishes. Talking about clowns as agents of chaos, about the religious significance, about BDSM use of coulrophobia as fear play, and more sub-topics than you can shake a rubber chicken at. Who knows, I might even talk about the rubber chicken.