I’ve got the usual excuses all lined up. In between then and now I’ve had to deal with a massive leg infection – complete with spending a lot of time sitting still with my leg elevated, and a ten day course of antibiotics that would’ve inflicted diarrhea on a marble statue. So a big fat biological tub-o-guts like me didn’t even stand a chance.
I’ve had to deal with my Dad being admitted to the hospital twice in a three week period. The first was for cardioversion (the stopping and restarting of his heart) due to his congestive heart failure issues. That was followed up by a lengthier stay for pneumonia.
There were also a number of days where the heat kicked the thermometer’s redline up into the 100s. My reaction to which wavered between ‘Yikes!’ and ‘Kill me, kill me now!’
But right now, Dad’s out of the hospital, my leg (and innards) are functioning about as well as can be expected, and while the weather is surprisingly tolerable for August. And as it’s high time that I get back to posting here, . . . here I am.
The Next Event
Come mid-August (the 14th through the 16th, which is about as mid-August as you can get) there’s a BDSM event that I’ve been very interested in attending.
Leatherwoods is a BDSM camping event. Which, on the one hand, doesn’t really make it seem like it would be my kind of event. Thinking back to my youth, I don’t believe that I’ve ever been camping. Ever. Plus, I don’t really get along that well with things like ‘nature’. I’m allergic to all sorts of plant life. And bee stings. (And animal dander, and so on.)
But on the other hand, it takes place eight miles from Salem, and right now (the late entry period) costs $40 (not counting camping space rental. Which makes it both the closest and cheapest BDSM event I’m likely to ever find. How, I ask you, can I possibly not at least contemplate going?
Workshops, play parties, outdoor dungeon, a chance to meet more people in the local community, and so on and so forth. This is the kind of stuff I need.
August vs. Health
Of course, being held in the middle of August, it’s smack dab in the middle of the debilitating hot weather season. I don’t do so well in hot weather. My health problems tend to be worse in the summertime.
The ever-present headache is worse the hotter it is. I tend to lose consciousness more easily and more often. There is usually an increase in seizure activity. The exhaustion ramps up to higher levels. All kinds of problematic crap like that.
In mid-June, I had all of that going through my mind as I asked myself the question, “Should I go for it? Or should I just give up and stay home?” And as I’m sitting there mulling over all of the pertinent information, a thought occurs to me. It’s times like this that I could really use a submissive.
The Concept of the Temp Submissive
The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. If I had a sub or a slave, I’d have someone there to look after me. Tend to my needs, and whatnot. Of course, I don’t have a sub. So what’s the logical solution?
A temporary submissive. This is what my brain cooked up. I needed to advertise for a temp sub. An unattached person (ideally female), into service submission who might be willing to sub to me for the duration of Leatherwoods. And with Leatherwoods being a relatively inexpensive event, I could probably even scrape together the membership fee for ‘my’ sub.
I talked this over with Zorch (not his real name) the next time I saw him, to see if there were obvious flaws in my logic that I was overlooking. Zorch isn’t into the whole BDSM thing, so he couldn’t speak as to the protocol of the concept, but he thought it was a great idea for me to pursue.
Before I actually jumped into this, I wanted some input from someone who is into the whole BDSM thing. I’d actually met one of the people working to organize this year’s Leatherwoods last year at a Halloween party, and we’ve since commented on each other’s posts a few times on FetLife. I decided that was enough of a ‘connection’ to go to her for advice, and sent her a message via FetLife asking her opinion about what I wanted to try.
Her advice was both helpful and encouraging. (In addition to talking about my interest in finding a temp sub, she also made assurances about the official first aid – and unofficial expertise via the attendance of BDSM aficionados/perverts from the medical profession – amenities at the event in case (if/when) I did end up having medical issues while there.)
She talked about how a lot of people into Dominance and submission are of a classically 50s-era mindset that would make the prospect of attending a BDSM event unescorted a socially unacceptable move. Which could make my offer even more appealing to a single submissive interested in attending Leatherwoods.
She encouraged me to post my information on the Leatherwoods FetLife group, and to think about crossposting the request to other relevant local groups.
So, I did.
The Posted Message
“Seeking Help / Offering an Opportunity”
Here's my situation: I'd really like to attend Leatherwoods. My problem is that I've got a variety of medical conditions, and the heat of summer is not the best of times for me, health-wise.
It recently occured to me that this is when I really need a submissive. Someone into service, who'd be able to carry stuff, run and get water, and help me out if I had problems. That sort of thing.
Now, while I don't have a sub of my own, I started wondering if there were any unattached/unowned sub or slave women out there, into service, who would be interested in a three-day long period of submission.
I've been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome. I also have an undiagnosed seizure disorder. (I've also got Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, but that mainly just makes me quirky.)
I clock in at 450 lbs on the scales, walk with a cane, and wear dark glasses due to light sensitivity.
Basically, what I'd need in a sub is someone to carry stuff for me. Fetch me water when I needed it. Keep me from banging my head hard against the ground during a seizure (always a possibility), and stop well-meaning bystanders from calling 911 if it happens. Bring me around it I pass out (in mid-August?-an actual probability). Also, to help set up the tent, and so on. (Still working on getting a tent, but I know enough people who camp I have no worries about being able to borrow something from someone.)
Beyond that, the exact nature of our relationship during the event is completely up for negotiation. I need a service submissive for what I've outlined above. I'd like a BDSM submissive to function as a play partner, but that's not a necessity if it's not something she's interested in.
I'm more than willing to pay her $30.00 event fee for the weekend, and put her up in my tent.
If anyone is interested, message me so we can discuss it.
I posted the above message on the Leatherwoods group, then went on to post the same thing on the FetLife group for the Salem Munch, and a couple of the local submissive groups.
And then I waited.
The Usual Results
In all the excitement of having something new to try, I had forgotten the fact that these quirky little experiments rarely ever pan out for me.
Two weeks after posting my barrage of temp sub requests, I got a response to one of the threads from a woman asking if I’d found anyone yet. She stated that she couldn’t offer to sub to me, as she was on the Leatherwoods planning committee, but that she was interested in helping me find someone.
This ray of proverbial sunshine came when I was sitting at home with my infection-riddled leg propped up. I’d been checking my email via proxy. Placing a phone call every night, alternating between my brother (with his fairly low-speed satellite internet) and my sister (currently house-sitting for my aunt, using her high speed internet) and having them check two of my several email accounts. Calling my brother one night I discovered that I had an email from FetLife informing me that someone had responded to a thread I’d started.
So, I had him sign into my FetLife account, and read me the post. Then I dictated a message over the phone informing her that I’d take any help I could get.
My next over-the-phone internet check provided me with the information that she was the volunteer coordinator for the event. And while she wouldn’t be able to present my offer of free membership in exchange for submissive duties to anyone as an official volunteer opportunity, she was going to keep my situation in mind. If she found someone during the screening process that was suitable for me (and presumably not exactly what the event needed), she’d tell her, “I know this guy . . .” and then see what happened.
Her response was the only response I got. And I never heard back from her following her response to my message to her (which was me responding to her response to my post).
[I just used the word ‘response’ – or some variation thereof – five times in two sentences. Methinks I need a thesaurus.]
If Only I’d . . .
In an ideal world, I’d’ve done more than just post a request and hoped that someone contacted me. I should have hit the munches. Shown my face at a local event or two. I should have made a more concentrated effort to get my message out there.
But . . . no car, no license. (State of Oregon is unwilling to issue me a license for medical reasons anyway). And the ‘local’ BDSM community meets two cities away, which is too far to walk.
The Salem munch hosted a barbecue I’d contemplated attending, but then the leg infection hit. And the antibiotics I was on – apparently some sort of vampire pills – had a warning label on the bottle which read “stay out of direct sunlight”. (Weird.)
Better Luck Next Time
Leatherwoods registration closed on August 3rd. So my window of opportunity is closed. Shut and locked. I think the window’s got bars on it, too. And an alarm.
So now I’m thinking about Leatherwoods 2010. (Actually, I’m primarily thinking about KinkFest 2010 in March, but next year’s Leatherwoods is on my mental calendar as well.) The ideal situation would be to have my own sub by then. Either a regular, permanent submissive, or a recurring play partner willing to function as slave for a weekend. But if that hasn’t happened by then, I’ll be back to looking for a temp sub again. Because it just seems like such a perfect solution.
Who knows? Maybe by next year, I’ll have some local unattached service submissive-minded women reading the blog, who will jump at the chance to help me out.