Warning
I’ll be talking about – among other things – knifeplay, suspension bondage, wax play, and other potentially dangerous things in this post. I’m not suggesting any of these activities for first-timers. Make sure that you know what you’re doing (this applies to both top and bottom, dom(me) and sub) before you decide to act on any of my bizarre festive fetish suggestions, okay? Especially since (being as inexperienced as I am) there’s a good chance that I don’t know what I’m talking about here myself.
Spanking
Usually the custom is that if you’ve been bad all year, Santa will put your name on the ‘Naughty’ list, and bring you a lump of coal for your stocking. But there are other traditions where instead of coal, Santa brings a bundle of switches. These spanking implements are not intended for you to use, but to be used on you. Do you suppose Santa knows that masochists would consider this a treat, and not a punishment?
[I also wonder if there are confused BDSM practitioners out there being intentionally naughty, thinking that what they’re going to receive as a consequence is a group of people who will alternately dom(me) or sub, whichever the situation calls for. That’s an entirely different bundle of switches, folks.]
There are a whole lot of fetishes that you can Christmas-ify by putting on a Santa suit before engaging in. The over-the-knee spanking seems an ideal example of this. You were SO naughty this year, that just leaving the switches wasn’t enough – Santa had to make sure they got used. So he wakes you up, hikes up your nightgown, pulls down your panties, and begins to blister your ass – all the while your little masochistic pussy soaks his lap.
Knifeplay / Decorative Cutting
Before I talk about this, I want to point out that it isn’t really my thing. I say this not to put it down, but only to illustrate that since I haven’t really looked into it, I generally don’t know what I’m talking about here. Having said that . . .
I’ve seen photos online of people with shallow cuts and deep scratches, sometimes just there for the bloodplay, sometimes forming decorative patterns. I’ve also seen detailed patterns carried out by scarification fetishists. And it seems to me like the imagery of the holiday season would lend itself to that easily.
Writing things like “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays”, or maybe illustrating your human canvas with grinning snowmen. But when I was going over a fetish list with Christmas in mind for this post, I saw decorative cutting listed, and my immediate thought was gingerbread men.
As I said, I don’t know cutting, so I don’t know if it’s generally all done freehand, or if it ever makes use of things like patterns and tracing and such. (I suppose it’s something that I should look into at some point, simply to expand my BDSM knowledge base.) But what I’m imagining is taking a cookie cutter or gingerbread man pattern, a blade, and a smooth bare back, and turning into a replica of a piece of rolled out dough multiply stamped with a cookie-cutter for holiday baking.
Of course, cookie cutters come in all manner of holiday shapes, so you could cover someone with a variety of unbaked cookie dough outlines if you (and they) wanted.
Body Writing
Of course, everything I mentioned in the section above that you can do with a blade, also applies to certain less damaging, less painful artistic mediums. The Crayola washable marker, the Sharpie, the eyebrow pencil, the lipstick tube, etc.
Letters to Santa Claus written on naked skin. Seasons Greetings wished over bare breasts on a human Christmas card. Or just people covered in holiday doodles.
Whereas the whole cutting thing isn’t one of my particular kinks, body writing is write up my fetishistic alley. Thoughts of a women in bra and panties with “Do not open until Christmas” written on her belly, arrows pointing up and down to her various pieces of underwear are just oh so arousing. A woman throwing herself at me by means of a To/From tag written on her (filled in with my name and hers, respectively) would just absolutely make my Christmas.
You can even add a festive touch to the classic humiliation scrawls. “Cunt”? “Slut”? “Cock-Sucking Whore”? How about labeling her “Christmas Cunt”, “Santa’s Slut”, and “North Pole-Sucking Ho-Ho-Whore” instead? (Ooh, and send me photos!)
Wax Play
Candles abound at Christmastime. There are candles in the Advent wreath. (Today’s being the sole pink candle among the purple ones.) Candles are used to illuminate the jack-o-lanterns. There’s the classic image of the pre-electricity Christmas tree, decorated with candles in what I’ve always thought was a ridiculous fire hazard. (What do you mean, there aren’t jack-o-lanterns at Christmas? Huh. Well, never mind then.)
Kinky people + candles = wax play. Dripped candle wax on naked skin. Christmas themed red and green. Winter themed white and blue. (I’ve heard that you’re supposed to stick with white and avoid colors, because colors burn hotter. I’ve also heard that you’re supposed to stick with colors and avoid white because white burns hotter. This was sort of cleared up by the information that different types of candles have different melting temperatures, and so my assumption is that most wax players used one type of white candle and a whole other type of colored candle.)
Droplets of wax used like little round ornaments. Running drips of wax simulating garlands or tinsel. White candle wax dripped on the nipples for snow-capped peaks. (I’ve always liked the thought of white candle wax as a form of tits-only bukkake for girls that are too grossed out by semen to submit to cumshots on the breasts.)
Food Play
The combination of sex and food isn’t really my thing, either. There are exceptions. I’ll watch a woman masturbating with a cucumber. And I’ve got an actual fetish for a woman masturbating with a banana. But my main food play fantasy is sadly verboten. Forbidden. Not gonna happen.
I want to insert one of those foot long, inch thick peppermint sticks inside a woman’s hot wet pussy, and fuck her with it until she cums in a sweaty, sticky, writhing, moaning, bedsheet-gripping, toe-curling orgasmic frenzy. I’ve had this fantasy since long before I discovered that nothing containing sugar is supposed to even approach the vagina due to the probability of it causing infections and other medical badness.
Theoretically, I suppose I could leave it wrapped. Wrap it again in saran wrap or something. Maybe put a condom on it. But I might as well just use a dildo in that case. The fantasy was sliding the gets-sticky-when-wet phallic object into her gets-wet-when-aroused sex organ. I wanted an answer to the question would her pussy be wetter than the peppermint stick was sticky? And afterwards, I was curious about oral sex on a peppermint flavored pussy. A wet, sticky-to-gooey, peppermint flavored, Christmas vagina.
QUICK HUMILIATION GIRL SIDE NOTE
Several months ago, when I was still writing to my dirty little humiliation slut e-penpal whom I shall now refer to as Stinkpanties Jismgargler (not her real name, but it might as well have been), I was spinning a scenario that included some kind of ass-to-pussy sex. In that letter, I wrote something to the effect of: “Am I giving you a urinary tract infection by spreading bacteria from your ass to your cunt? Probably. Do I care? No.”
In her gushing response to me about that letter, she said: “The part about giving me a urinary tract infection and not caring sent me over the edge!!” She’d later go on to tell me that my disregard for the consequences to her body was an incredible turn on to her. When she told me that, I decided that once November got here and Christmas merchandise was in the grocery stores, I was going to tell her that I wanted her to masturbate with a peppermint stick, and report back to me. Because it was a fantasy of mine . . . and because I couldn’t ask anyone I cared about to do it because it had health risks associated with it.
I kind of miss occasionally spewing at that worthless goofy-assed bitch.
END OF QUICK HUMILIATION GIRL SIDE NOTE.
But aside from candy cane-type foods, Christmas also brings us all sorts of tasty breads and cookies and candies . . . which means that kitchens across the lands are whipping up doughs and batters and sweet liquid-y and gooey bowlfuls of potential splosh-play toys. (Not to mention the figgy pudding.)
Suspension Bondage
CJ and I once came to the conclusion that there were two different types of bondage. One type simply involved some yokel picking up some clothesline at the local hardware store to tie his partner to the bed. The other type . . . well, the other type was art. Precision positioning of the ropes. Intricately tied knots. A beautiful overall esthetic. Ropework that seemed intended more for the immortalization in bondage photography than the immobilization of a submissive. (Although the immobilization of the submissive was obviously complete. He or she was going nowhere until released.)
There’s no reason that beautiful examples of suspension bondage can’t become very pretty Christmas ornaments. Elaborately tied subs festooned with red bows and sprigs of holly, or other festive décor before being hoisted upward to dangle as a normal Christmas bauble would from a hook.
Water Bondage
One of my friends recently gave me a disk of miscellaneous porn downloads, including a couple of clips of something called “Water Bondage”. I started watching the first of these clips, and I wasn’t too impressed at first. Hot chick tied up. Yeah, yeah. Sprayed with water. Yawn. Whatever. Sprayed with multiple streams of water. Okay, sure. Blasted between the legs with water. Is this all there is to this? But as it neared the end of the session, they took her away from the chair and submerged her in a water tank. Why that gave me a hard-on, I couldn’t tell you. But it did.
Bound woman in water tank, trying to keep her face above water. Sadistic man with a waterproof vibrator reaching in and completely ruining her concentration. There was dunking going on. More vibrator games. This portion of the piece had me absolutely riveted. I’ve always wanted a hot tub (especially since I started having back problems). Now I wanted bondage gear and a submissive to go with it.
I don’t know if this is just a porn thing, or if water bondage is an actual fetish that has a sizable following. But if I had someone to play with that was into this (and I didn’t live in one of the areas in Oregon that almost never sees snowfall), there would be some kind of ritual melting of the snow for winter water bondage stuff going on. Fill the tub (or custom water bondage tank, or whatever) with snow and let it melt to room temperature. Possibly even heat a bucket or two of it to boiling and reintroduce it to the larger body. There wouldn’t really be anything special about it outside of the significance given to it by the work that goes into it. But sometimes, stuff like that is enough.
Toys (Sex and Otherwise)
There’s a level and point of view at which Christmas is all about toys. Just ask any little kid. Now: Define ‘toys’. Yeah.
Video games. Puzzles. Dildos. Baby dolls. Model cars. Vibrators. Action figures. Board games. Butt plugs. LEGO sets. Barbie dolls. Artificial vaginas. Stuffed animals. Art sets. Bondage gear. Remote control cars. Coloring books and crayons. Whips and paddles. And so on and so forth.
I’d imagine that Santa brings toys to ‘kids’ of all ages. Some people are “Toys R Us Kids”. Some people are “Adult Shop Kids”. Keep this in mind when you’re shopping for neckties and blenders. Adults like to play, too.
The Violet Wand
Ah, the violet wand. A 1920s-era quack medical device repurposed as a modern day weird-tech, high-kink sex toy. (Anything with a Tesla Coil in it has to have some merit.)
I watched a violet wand session in the dungeon at KinkFest. The wand-wielder would bring the business end close to his willing victim’s bare flesh – then quickly touch something metallic to another point on her body, watching her jump and squeal as he did so, a tiny jolt of electricity zipping across her to where the metal was.
One of his little ‘toys’ was a little kid’s pom-pom, made primarily of foil. He’d grab the handle and dance the metallic foil tendrils along her back, causing bucking, squirming . . . and some of the weirdest sounds to issue forth from her.
Even at the time, it made me think of tinsel.
Of course, now that we’re right here in the midst of the season, my thoughts on this aren’t just including a handful of tinsel (safely held in a rubber gloved hand) during a normal violet wand session. No, I’m wondering what it would be like to have a naked submissive decorating a tree while her dom(me) stood behind her with the wand in hand. Occasionally zapping her when she had a handful of tinsel. Or a metallic ornament. ‘Helping’ her distribute tinsel by layering it over her bare shoulders before the wand moves in.
And then, of course, there’s always the question: is it a real tree, or one of the fake aluminum ones? “Pick is up and rotate it a little more that way, would you?” Zzzap.
I get some strange ideas sometimes.
BBW/BHM
I like BBWs. And I’m always hoping that this BHM thing will catch on, making me more desirable to a horde of sexy fetish-stricken women in my area. So lets talk about that now.
The most recognizable icon of Christmas is Santa Claus. (Sorry, Jesus. Take it up with Madison Avenue.) And Santa is traditionally depicted as a big, big man. Big Handsome Man with a Big Beautiful Woman for a wife.
It’s that time of year when jolly, red-suited fat people are everywhere! A seemingly infinite number of Santas in shopping malls and on street corners and all sorts of places. Mrs. Claus is represented by a lesser number, but she’s still out there in force.
Do people with the ‘fat fetish’ seek out Santa and/or the Mrs. in December to leer at? To fantasize about? Maybe even to proposition?
Christmas has more to offer fetishists who like a bigger partner than just the Claus’. Specifically those with the feeder/feedee fetish. Watching your BHM or BBW tackle plateful after plateful at Christmas dinner. (And later on, the leftovers.) Not to mention a month’s worth of Christmas cookies, chocolate fudge, rocky road, divinity, candy canes, and all the other little treats the holiday has to offer.
Blindfold, etc.
An admonition not to peek at the presents could necessitate the use of a blindfold. And once they’re blindfolded, who knows what fun you could have? [And if they’re still being bad, and trying to listen for their presents or something, there’s a whole array of sensory deprivation that could be brought into play.] In addition to the normal “you can’t see what I’m about to do to you” experience, other potentially interesting things to do with a blindfolded person are sensation play and senses play.
My limited use of sensation play at KinkFest was more or less just alternating between rubbing the bottom’s legs, and dragging my fingernails up and down them. This, while using a paddle on her bare back. Afterwards, she told me that she had loved the sensation play on her legs while I was beating her. She said that I had a real sense of timing with it – what to do and when to do it in relation to what I was doing with the paddle.
Since then I’ve wondered about playing with a blindfolded woman, and what kind of sensation play I’d like to engage in. More rubbing, more fingernails, BDSM classics like the Wartenberg pinwheel, and so on. But this is a Christmas post, so I’d really like to just tell her a story . . . ‘illustrated’ for her tactile senses.
Sensation play is actually an umbrella term that covers a number of things, including temperature play. An icecube can be the slow, plodding steps of a snowman across her skin. The return of the dripping candle covers a reference to a roaring fire. Household items can be found to have reindeer hooves marching across her, pulling a loaded sleigh. There’s really no limit to the kinds of sensations you can bring about in the human body.
And as for senses play . . . just hit her with some of the classic senses of Christmas for a true holiday experience. Make love to her. Either keeping the blindfold, or in a room illuminated only by Christmas lights. Have her wearing an MP3 player loaded with Christmas music. Have strong smells nearby – peppermint extract, or fresh baked gingerbread. Have her suck on a candy cane.
Miscellaneous Fetishes
There are all kinds of other fetishy fun to be had using the holiday season as either a setting or a trigger. A kinky evening that includes the incredibly naughty concept of ‘fun with pee’ can be a natural outpouring (please tell me I didn’t just say that) from a short break to write your name in the snow while you and your girl are walking in a winter wonderland.
Santa won’t come to your house until/unless everyone is sleeping. Or at the very least pretending to sleep. How well is everyone pretending? How well can they pretend? The ‘sleep assault’ fetish (or at least what little sleep assault porn I’ve seen) looks interesting, and weirdly appealing to me. (As a negotiated fantasy, not an actual form of rape.) Maybe if they can feign slumber well enough – enough to have their partner molest them to arousal and then mount/ride them to a still sleeping orgasm – then ‘Santa’ will put a little something extra in their stocking for going along with the fetish.
Cosplay afficianados can dress up like Santa, or Frosty, or other classic Christmas characters. Or they can dress up like normal cosplay characters and act out dirty little fanfics they’ve written or dreamt up. Animal roleplayers can have festive fun, too. Would it take very much for pony play to become reindeer play for the holiday season? Lots of kids ask Santa for a puppy or a kitty for Christmas. Do any of them ever ask Santa to be a puppy or a kitty for Christmas?
There are all sorts of possibilities for all sorts of sexy Christmas fun.
Next Sunday, for the final week of Kinky Advent we ask the question: Who’s that great big pervert cumming down my chimney?
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