The porn that’s been living on my computer has been there for awhile now, and had gotten . . . what? Boring? Maybe less ‘inspirational’. And since new porn is difficult to come by (well, easy to cum by, difficult to obtain), I thought I’d swap most of the current stuff out for some material that I hadn’t seen in a long while.
Anyway, while going through the stack of disks, I found a couple of clips of women who were either authentically drunk or just faking it for the camera. Only very loosely inhibited, giggly, stumbling around, falling down drunk. Whenever I see a drunk woman in porn, I always think, “Now THAT’S the woman for me!”
Question of Consent
If she says ‘yes’, then its sex. If she says ‘no’ (and means it – it’s not part of a BDSM scene or anything where only the safeword really means ‘no’), then its rape. Seems pretty black and white.
But . . .
What if she’s drunk . . . and says ‘yes’ when she’s really not capable of making a reasoned and rational decision due to being in that inebriated state? What if the alcohol induces her to say ‘yes’ to an offer that she would say ‘no’ to on any other occasion?
I don’t know. I’d tend to argue that was non-consent.
What if she doesn’t say ‘no’ (doesn’t say, ‘no’, or ‘stop’, or ‘please don’t’, or even use her safeword), doesn’t struggle, and really, even kind of helps the process along – but the reason for this is because she’s so far gone that she’s about to slide into unconsciousness. She’ll still respond when you call her name, but it won’t be long before she’s out cold.
Yeah, that’s rape.
What if she’s always wanted to have sex with you, but never had the nerve to ask, and has drank just enough to proposition you, and finally realize one of her biggest fantasies?
Uh, what? That’s sex.
What if she doesn’t like sex because of a chronic pain condition, and the alcohol reacts with her painkillers just enough to numb the pain so that she can have you bring her to orgasm before she goes out like a light.
What if she’s depressed and has self-esteem issues? And knows that she blacks out if she drinks too much? What if – half drunk and climbing – she rationally agrees to have sex with you because she knows she won’t remember it in the morning, ergo (to her way of thinking) it won’t have even really happened.
Um . . . can I use one of my lifelines here? Phone a friend? Poll the audience?
Sex. Rape. Black and white. Add drunk into the mix and it goes all swirly gray on me.
And yet . . . whenever I see a drunk woman in porn, I always think, “Now THAT’S the woman for me!”
If a drunk woman offered me sex, would I accept it? Of course n—, wait, how drunk? Are we talking just a little tipsy, or a full blown pink-elephant watcher?
I would like to say that (outside of ‘inebriation play’ – which I’ll talk about shortly) I would not take advantage of someone who was drunk. And I’m sure that once I’ve lost my virginity and maybe had sex a few times beyond that I’ll be able to say that with certainty. No sex with the drunk. However, right now I’m desperate and ready to explode. I don’t intend to take advantage of anyone. (In fact, I specifically intend NOT to take advantage of anyone.) But I honestly don’t know which is stronger: My willpower, or my 38 years of pent-up sexual frustration.
Drunk Fantasy vs. Inebriation Play
I do know that I would like to have consensual sex with a woman under the influence of alcohol. The porn clips make it look like fun.
(Yes, there’s probably aspects of ‘objectification of women’ in there. And I apologize if that offends anybody. But when I’m horny, when my cock is hard, and when I’m watching a drunk woman having sex on my computer monitor – I really don’t care all that much. At that moment I’m far too busy thinking with my dick to have social consciousness, political correctness, and women’s issues in mind.)
Given my earlier listed concerns over whether or not someone who is drunk can legitimately consent to sex, just how do I suppose I could get this consent? Easy. By asking for sex before they ever start drinking.
No new ideas under the sun, everything’s already been done, blah blah blah . . . I can’t possibly be inventing this. But on the other hand, I’ve never heard of it. Now, granted, I’m not an expert at sex or BDSM or anything, but really, the only reference to alcohol that I’ve ever seen in my kink research has been along the lines of safety warnings. “Don’t drink and fuck.” “Don’t drink and play.”
But ‘don’t drink and fuck’ is probably for the very reasons I’ve outlined above. And ‘don’t drink and play’ just makes sense. Yeah, let’s both get smashed on vodka and then I’ll lock you up in chains and then start swinging a whip around. (Yikes!)
In fact, every dungeon whose rules and code of conduct that I’ve read (or at least skimmed over while online) has some rule to the effect that if you appear to be either drunk or high, your ass gets tossed out onto the street to play no more.
But while inebriation play is a sexual act that most likely fits under the BDSM umbrella, it would really only involve the one drunk person, and no dangerous equipment.
Although . . . the more I think about it, the more classic BDSM uses I can find for it.
It’s more RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) than SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual). Let’s face it, alcohol is a poison. You drink too much (especially too fast), and you can get alcohol poisoning and die. Or choke to death on your own vomit. Or lapse into a coma. Whee!
[I normally just laugh at my own typos, correct them, and then go on my merry way. But as I’m sitting here proofreading this document, I just discovered that one of the dangers of alcohol is that you could ‘lapse into a come’. I got so drunk I ejaculated? Wow!]
Play with bondage all you want. Cuffs, chain, rope. Cuffs, chain, rope. Cuffs, chain, rope. Sooner or later, you’re bound to want to try something new. (Great. Now I’m on the run from the pun police.)
Normally in BDSM your limbs are restrained. But with inebriation play, you have the opportunity to have them free . . . but still not really have full control of them. Clumsy, stumbling around. Knocking things over instead of picking things up. Plus, while I’ve seen catalog images for every other conceivable body-part restraint, bondage has yet to develop a brain-cuff. But confusion, difficulty comprehending, difficulty remembering . . . you can buy that by the bottleful.
Sensory deprivation play with blurriness instead of blindness. The classic ‘in vino veritas’ notion to loosen the tongue for interrogation play. And, hey – confusion, sleepiness, and all that . . . you could do ‘sleep deprivation’ play without the 72-hour build up of being awake before play-time.
But I’ve gotten way off track from where I was going. The reason that I see inebriation play as fitting under the BDSM umbrella is both because it is a RACK activity, and because it is something that would almost certainly require at least some form of scene negotiation.
“Would you like to get really drunk and then have sex with me?” What kind of a woman answers ‘yes’ to that question? (No, really, I’m actually asking you this question – because I’d like to find her.)
For the purposes of this scenario, I’m going to assume that it’s just a generally sexually adventurous woman who hasn’t yet tried inebriation play as a negotiated scene, and wants to. (I could come up with other types, bit it’s getting late, and despite my intake having been nothing but water tonight, I’m starting to feel like I’VE had one to many.)
So, say that a guy like me finds his adventurous woman with an interest in trying out inebriation play. Ground rules have to be established. Limits set (soft, hard, and otherwise). And so on.
Sane people would make the obvious agreement that the sex in question must be safe sex. Yes, I know that classically, sex-while-drunk leads to things like STD transmission and pregnancy, but this isn’t your typical sex-while-drunk. So: condoms required.
Do these sexually adventurous people know each other? Trust each other? Public play is one possible solution to making sure that he doesn’t take advantage of the woman he’s taking advantage of by taking advantage of her. (Yes, I like that sentence. It’s a keeper.) Another possibility is a chaperone situation. Someone she trusts who knows what all of her rules are, and will make sure that he abides by them.
Pictures? Video? Is he allowed to take photos of her, naked, drunk, and just-fucked? Is he allowed to shoot video? For that matter, is he required to shoot video? If I agreed to participate in sex I was pretty sure I wouldn’t remember clearly (if at all) after the act, I’d want the option of being able to sit down and watch my drunken antics while sober the next day. (Of course, I’d probably immediately tape over it with static from a dead channel after watching it, but at least I’d’ve experienced it – as a spectator, if nothing else.)
Then come the big questions: What are her limits?
I’ve thought about this, and it seems to me that the terms ‘soft limit’ and ‘hard limit’ would have slightly different meanings for inebriation play than they would for normal BDSM activities.
You ask for her limits, and she’ll tell you the things that she doesn’t do. But then you have her separate out the hard limits. A category who’s heading is, “If you let me do these things while drunk, I’ll KILL YOU when I sober up”. What’s left are the soft limits, which are now defined as, “I don’t do any of this stuff. Not ever. But, if it turns out that I want to – or that you can convince me to – when I’m drunk, then I guess that’s what happens. No harm, no foul.”
So, take something like anal sex. She either 1.) does it regularly, and it’s an acceptable activity for your evening; 2.) hasn’t ever been drunk enough to try it; or 3.) will kill you if you fuck her ass, regardless of whether she asks for it while drunk or not.
I’m told that scene negotiation also typically includes pertinent medical information (I wouldn’t know, as I’ve never done a scene negotiation – I’m so lonely!) For this kind of scene you’d also need information on alcohol tolerance – how fast you get drunk, how much you can handle, etc.
Uh . . . Other Stuff?
Aftercare should involve drinking lots of water, as good hydration aids in hangover prevention.
Yeah, that single sentence didn’t really need it’s own subheading. It’s bedtime. I’m pretty sure that I’ll readdress this topic at some point. But right now it’s time to address my pillow.