Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Road to KinkFest - 5 Days and Counting

Getting close now. I can feel it. Today is Sunday. KinkFest starts on Friday.

I’m pumped. Both figuratively and literally. (And by literally, I mean that I recently ‘pumped’ myself while fantasizing about things that I’d like to have happen to me at the event.

The Wishlist

So many things I want to do at KinkFest.

I want to learn new things. There are 27 workshops. A KinkFest member can attend as many as six of them. I’m planning on attending at least five.

I want to pick up some new stuff. Maybe a book or two. Possibly some bondage gear. I’d really like to get a flogger, if I can find a decent one within my extremely limited budget.

I want to meet people. I want to make new friends inside the local BDSM community. Exchange FetLife names for ‘friending’ after the event. Make contacts. Network. Whatever.

There was something else . . . what was it? . . . something else I wanted to do at KinkFest . . .

Oh, yeah. Now I remember. I want to go into the dungeon and find people to play with. I want to indulge a number of BDSM fantasies. I want to make up for my dismal wallflower-like performance at last year’s KinkFest. I want to play.

Not Exactly a Checklist

This isn’t exactly a checklist. I’m not trying to participate in each and every activity that I have listed. Would I be ecstatically happy if I ended up doing so? Oh, Good Lord and Butter, YES! But it seems a little unlikely. I’m trying very hard to not constantly think about this stuff, so that my brain doesn’t spiral me into depression if none of it happens.

It’s also not a checklist in this way: If I end up sucking on some sexy bare toes on Friday night, and then receive an offer to have another sex of sexy bare toes in my mouth on Saturday, I’m not going to refuse on the grounds that, “I’ve already put a checkmark next to that item, sorry. Now I’m trying to find someone to let me spank them.” No, I will instead suck on those new toes, and hope that maybe a third (and possibly fourth and fifth) set shows up before event’s end.

Dungeon Activities

I really, really, really, really, really want to fist somebody. (Vaginal fisting. Not anal fisting. The concept of putting my whole large hand inside someone’s anal cavity not only makes me worry about literally splitting the poor person in half, but also doesn’t really do anything for me, fetish-wise. Finger goes in ass. Cock goes in ass. Tongue would go in ass if not for health concerns. An entire hand does not go in ass.)

(During the first workshop period of the event, one of the options is “Fisting and Footing”. And my volunteer schedule has me serving as workshop monitor for that, guarding the doorway to keep out anyone who isn’t a convention attendee. I wonder if I’d get in trouble for not allowing anyone to leave until somebody agreed to accompany me to the dungeon and spread their legs for me, to practice what we’d just learned?)

I like nipples. More to the point, I like pinching nipples. This was one of the staples of my physical relationship with CJ, way back when. Pinching her nipples very hard, and only letting go when I could sense that she was about to ask me to stop.

I want to find some nice, pinchable nipples at KinkFest – pinchable nipples attached to a woman who will grant me the necessary permission to pinch them. Not just a drive-by (walk-by?), reach out and pinch, and then go on my merry way kind of thing. No, I want to find someone who will let me put in a little bit of time torturing her nipples with my fingertips. Maybe even someone who will let me bind her first.

And speaking of bondage . . .

I want to tie a woman up. (Actually, I can’t tie a knot to save my life. I’ll be bringing a roll or two of duct tape with me for bondage purposes, but ‘I want to tape a woman up’ doesn’t put the same picture in your head. And, ‘I want to find a woman who brought her own wrist- and ankle-cuffs with her and use those to put her into bondage’ is kind of awkward. So, despite it’s inaccuracies, I’m going to continue using the phrase ‘I want to tie a woman up’.)

I want to tie a woman up. Bondage is probably the oldest (and possibly most powerful) of my various BDSM fantasies. It turns me on something fierce, and KinkFest seems a likely place to find someone to accommodate these desires of mine. (Or at least, a more likely place than anywhere else I ever get to go.)

I’m almost certain that someone at KinkFest needs a spanking. Probably several someones. The question is, can I find one (or more) of these potential spankees before their asses are claimed by all the other would-be spankers? I’m hoping so. Since my experience with impact play at last year’s event was sadly situated away from the fleshy posterior, I’m really hoping to get to put paddle to bare ass. (Or bare hand to bare ass. Whatever. I’m not picky.)

I’ve got the one paddle (again, purchased at last year’s event). I may pick up another spanking and/or general impact implement this year. I’m really hoping to find a woman who will let me use these little spanking toys for the purpose to which they were designed.

(Now, if I were to find myself in a situation where a play partner wanted both bondage and spanking, well, so much the better.)

And if I do end up purchasing my first flogger, well, I’ll want to try it out as well, won’t I?

I’ll be bringing some Crayola washable markers to the event with me, in the hopes of finding a woman who will let me write things on her skin. Labeling body parts. (“Tits”. “Pussy”. “Sexy Suckable Toes”.) Writing instructions. (“Suck this”. “Lick here”. “Spank me!”) Possibly other, more humiliating and degrading things. (“I’m a dirty slut”. “Cum Dumpster”. “Every hole in my body is a cunt”.)

Body writing isn’t the only fetish I’ve got, and I’m hoping to indulge some of the others at KinkFest as well. I’ve got some bizarre fetishes (like being incredibly aroused by girls named Molly, Stephanie, or Jane). And I’ve got more mundane fetishes (like my fondness for the bare female foot).

While FetLife tells me that there will be at least a couple of women in attendance whose name (or FetLife screen name, at least) is some variant of Stephanie, it’s probably more likely that I’ll encounter someone willing to let me play with their sexy bare feet.

I want to suck on some toes. Find a willing woman and suck on her toes, lick her soles. I’d also jump at the chance to get my first foot job. Lay back as a woman jacked me off with her feet. Or be more active in the encounter, and take hold of her ankles and actually fuck her feet. Either way, the thought of being brought to orgasm by a pair of soft sexy peds – and shooting my load on them at the end – is another one of these long-held fantasies of mine that I’d love to see actually happen.

The last workshop period of the event hosts a class on strap-on play. Which means that it’s likely that there will be women at the event with dildos and harnesses. Possibly wandering around the dungeon with their ‘dicks’ hanging out. And since I’m curious about what it feels like to be the recipient of anal sex . . . I wouldn’t mind it at some point I ended up bent over with some strap-on equipped woman’s dildo sliding in and out of my ass.


Awhile back, I posted a piece entitled “BDSMI”, about separating and/or integrating sex and BDSM play.

(The term BDSMI – my subtle variant on/addition to the classic BDSM – stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism, Masturbation and Intercourse.)

I like BDSM. I want to get into BDSM. But the scenes and play parties and dungeon encounters that I fantasize about (and have always fantasized about) are more BDSMI than just plain BDSM. To me, BDSM is a sexual thing.

I’m not saying that once I have a woman tied up, I want to drop my pants and ram my cock into her. Or force her to suck my cock before I untie her. (Although, if she’s into any of that, and brings it up during the scene negotiation . . . )

But personally, when I think about BDSM activities, I see finger-fucking my play partner to be just as much a staple as bondage or spanking.

Like I said, bondage has always been a big fantasy of mine. And combining it with other aspects of BDSM, kink, and fetish just makes sense. Tie her up and spank her. Tie her up and torture her nipples. Tie her up and write on her with markers. But there are women out there who don’t like the spanking, or the nipple torture, or the body writing – but who do like the bondage. So, it’s tie her up and . . . then what?

Bondage strictly for it’s own sake seems anticlimactic. Classically, the point of restraining a woman is to take advantage of her. It’s tie her up and fuck her. Tie her up and force your cock into her mouth. Tie her up and tickle her until she pees.

I want to tie her up and finger her. I’d be happy to tie her up and finger her. (I’d be ecstatic if I could tie her up, finger her, and make her cum.)

So in addition to finding women with BDSM desires that are complementary to mine, I also want them willing (ideally eager, but I’ll settle for willing) to let me finger-fuck them during play. (And a big bonus for me if she’ll consent to being fingered in either hole.)

Sexual Encounters

I’d like a little bit of sexual activity with my BDSM play. But outside of BDSM play, I’d really just like to have some sex.

(Yeah, I’m back to bitching about my ever-present virginity again.)

I’m 38 years old, and still a virgin. I fear that if I don’t have sex soon, I’m going to explode. I am therefore looking for someone willing to let me fuck them.

I’ve never had sex. I’ve never had a blow job. I’ve never even had a hand job that I didn’t administer to myself. I want ‘sex’, and I’ll take whatever sexual experience I can get.

And my earlier mention of wanting to find a strap-on equipped woman to fuck me in the ass? I see getting butt-fucked by a woman as a possibility because with there being that strap-on sex workshop, I feel it’s plausible that there will be women there with strap-ons.

On the other hand, I’m almost certain that the men in attendance will have brought their cocks along. And if an opportunity presents itself for me to get butt-fucked by a real, flesh-and-blood (condom-covered) cock, then I may well begin to find some answers to the whole question of my potential bi-curiosity.

“Let’s Go Back to My Room”

Ideally, someone will take me back to their room (or accept an invitation back to mine) for some kind of sexual encounter. Although, to be perfectly honest, if an exhibitionist was willing to take my virginity on the condition that we did it in the middle of the dungeon under a spotlight, then I’d be having my first sex in public.

But there are other things that I’d like to do with someone back in a hotel room (mine or theirs). Things that simply aren’t allowed in the dungeon.

Two main ones spring to mind. The first of those being photography.

Cameras aren’t allowed in the dungeon. So I can take a woman to the dungeon, strip her naked, tie her up, beat her bare ass until it turns bright red, and then write all over her body with washable markers. But I can’t take pictures of that end result.

I really want some body writing photos. (I really want bondage photos, too, but these will be people that have just met me, and I’m sure that there will be trust issues about being alone in a hotel room with me, naked and bound.) I want all manner of nude photos.

So I’m hoping that I can convince someone to let me play erotic photographer outside the dungeon.

Another thing that’s not allowed in the dungeon is watersports. So I’d kind of like to bring a woman to the bathroom of one of the hotel rooms, have her stand naked in the tub, and pee on her.

You’ll note that I said ‘I’d kind of like’ in the above example. What I’d really like – what I really want to experience, more and more the longer I think about it – is for me to be the one naked in the bathtub. And for her to be the one peeing on me.

Hell, the current fantasy scenario in my head has me finding a bunch of women into watersports, and getting them all in the same hotel bathroom with me at some point. Satisfy my initial watersports curiosity by getting peed on by a dozen women.

Six Things from a List of Thirty-Nine

One of my first posts this year was “39 Things to Do in Year 39”, in which I talked about the list of things (mostly sexual) that I wanted to accomplish this year. Most of the stuff I’ve already talked about here on my KinkFest wishlist are represented on the ‘39 Things’ list as well.

Here are six other goals from the ‘39 Things’ list that I’d be just thrilled if my 2009 KinkFest experience could fulfill for me.

The fourth item on the list is ‘Participate in a Group Sex Scene’. I’m keeping the definition of group sex intentionally vague. If someone invites me back to a room party after the dungeon closes for the night to participate in an orgy, well, that will obviously count. So would a simple threesome. It would also count if I simply fingered a woman who was performing oral sex on someone else.

Number #6 on the list is ‘Participate in Mutual Masturbation or Performance Masturbation’. Mutual masturbation means getting a handjob, or fingering someone to orgasm. (Or both at the same time.) Technically, I suppose I could qualify by giving a handjob. And performance? That’s either watching someone masturbate, or masturbating for someone. (Ideally, masturbating onto someone.)

Number #7 reveals another odd little fetish of mine. ‘Penetrate a Woman With a Banana’. That’s right – I want to use a banana as a dildo on a woman. Have her spread her legs for me so that I can fuck her with the traditional piece of monkey fruit. (I plan on bringing a couple of bananas to the event with me.)

Number #19 – ‘Dom/Top For a Humiliation Scene’. I want to find a woman into erotic humiliation, and do stuff to her that will make her cringe with glee.

I have no illusions about my physical form. Even if I can’t find an unpartnered woman for humiliation games, I think that I’d be an ideal humiliation tool for an already partnered up couple. A shrewd dom could make interesting use of me, going as far as letting me co-top a scene. Ordering his submissive to submit to a 450 lb man when she’s not into the BHM thing at all? Being ordered to perform cock worship on someone who is – uh, shall we say less than well hung?

I don’t think that I’d have any problems being used to make someone else squirm with humiliation.

Number #36 is ‘Keep a Pair of Panties as a Souvenir’. You might have noticed that some of the things on my list are things that involve a woman stripping naked (or me stripping a woman naked) before the serious play begins. Or at least partially naked. Fisting. Nude bondage. Sex.

Does it seem likely to me that a woman is going to want to casually part with expensive fetishwear or lingerie? Probably not, no. But . . . I don’t run into a lot of disrobing women in my life. So, if I do end up playing with a woman who ends up naked during play, I’ll probably ask the question before she puts her panties back on again.

Especially if the miracle happens and I end up losing my virginity during KinkFest. Because I think that I really want to keep the panties worn by the woman who finally turned me fully sexually active.

And finally – I can’t explain why this last one is so important to me, but it is. Number #39 on the list: ‘Play in a Hot Tub’.

I love hot tubs. Absolutely love them. I’ve only been in a hot tub on a handful of occasions, all of which have been in a hotel during a convention. But being immersed in that much hot water (enough for me to float in) has been the only times since 1995 that my back hasn’t actively hurt.

I want to be in a hot tub with a woman. And I want to fool around with her. Since the hot tub at the hotel isn’t the most private place in the world, I’m not talking about nude hot tubbing, with all of the potential licking, sucking, fingering, and so on that would be possible in a less public body of water. But some subtle groping now and then. Furtive movements of hands below the water line. Maybe a finger slipped inside the crotch of a swimsuit at some point. And if it’s a quiet time, with just her and I, I’d love to put her bare wet toes in my mouth.

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